New York (Day...lets just say 49) "Welcome Home...Kinda"

Enough happened last night to justify another post about it. I said goodbye to my girlfriend and hated every second of it before I got on the plane. I didn't anticipate how hard it would be saying bye to her. We have been around each other for two weeks and she has been nothing but a rock for me and I miss her a lot already.

I then got on the smallest plane in the world and connected to an even smaller plane than that. I got off the plane decided to take a cab back to my place and was really excited to be back in this city. That excitement didn't last long.

I get back to my place and find that all my stuff had been packed up and cleared out. Turns out they didn't think I was coming back. They said if I paid two weeks i could stay. No problem I thought, I should have 200 in my account and I have 150 in my pocket...I don't know where this money went but I only had 27 dollars in my account.

I paid them the 150 and they said I could pay them back later because it didn't really matter...apparently they are no longer renting this room at the end of November, which was news to me. They didn't throw my stuff out so they brought that up and I am kind of set back up in this place.

I'm once again hoping and praying everything works out. I went from having home cooked meals every day and a place to sleep to nutrigrain bars and a fear of tomorrow...again. It's like I had forgotten about the struggle and as punishment for that the struggle punched me in the jaw.

In times like this the one thing that could make me feel better, that could console me more than anything is a call to my mom...she would float me a few dollars and tell me to take things one day at a time and right now just be thankful for the roof over my head and the nutrigrain bar in my belly...but it means so much more coming from her...and she can't do that for me any more.

Before I went to bed I looked at the clock...5 A.M...well...Happy Birthday to me...

I'm slowly getting the feeling that the person in charge of writing the play that is my life is a sadist.

I love you all...so much,

thank you to everyone who reads this for being there for me, for your words of encouragement and for your thoughts...it has helped me get through this with much more sanity than I would have had otherwise to know so many people are keeping tabs and thinking of me.

KH-