I hit the pavement like a trifling hoe the other day and let me tell you kids, it is hard out here for a pimp. I hopped a train to 8th ave and splurged on a bagel, yeah I don't have a lot of money but damn it I needed carbs and that new "Brooklyn Bagels" spot is amazing. I spent some more money I didn't have on printing out an updated resume and started my quest.
The mission, to hit every restaurant I came across until I was either out of resumes or out of gas. I had 20 resumes printed and my give em' hell attitude ready. First stop Ruby Tuesday's. I wanted to text my friend Chris and tell him I was applying at the NY location of his old rent winner...but SOMEONE still hasn't text me his number.
Next stop red lobster, I couldn't apply there though because they were only taking apps of people who have had 2 yrs or more of experience....really Red Lobster...really? You are Red Lobster, you are one half of surf and turf some how I don't think your job is "must have 2 yrs experience" hard.
Bubba Gump does open interviews but they stopped early that day so I bookmarked it for tomorrow. Planet Hollywood, Hard Rock cafe, two places I haven't been in before both took my resume and smiled and responded "we will be in touch in a week or two if we need you."
I stopped in a comedy club called "Caroline's" and the manager asked me "do you have any bar-tending experience?" "I have basic certification." He asked again "do you have any experience?" I should have taken his hint and lied but I didn't realize what was happening till it was too late, I got a polite handshake and a "come back with more experience."
The next 6 hours after this is a blur of snotty bar and grills with delusions of eloquence and run down diners no one has or ever will know the name of. I went from time square, ended up on the East side some how and ended my quest in the village. I hit up over 20 restaurants and handed out 10 resumes, 10 applications all with the same "we will call you" or "not hiring" response.
At this point I'm tired...I'm discouraged...and I'm starving. Time to meet Lindsay in Brooklyn for Matchless veggie burger and fries. Hanging out with Lindsay is always a good time and I was able to go back to my place with lifted spirits but dead tired. I than proceed to transfer to my train WAY too early and take an hour and a half to get back to my neighborhood.
I laid in bed and thought about the spectacular failure this day seemed to be. I thought about what it would look like if I had to go back to Illinois this quickly and than I passed the hell out mid thought because I was indeed that tired.
Today I had high hopes even though the day before was stunningly bad. My days seem to be consistently starting with positivity regardless of the previous days events. I head out to Bubba Gump's again keeping a close watch on my phone because I was supposed to have a phone interview for a writing job at some point today.
I wait for a manager for almost an hour, get through half of Forest Gump with no sound playing on the TV in the waiting area. The manager talks to me for 3 minutes making sure I filled out the app correctly than tells me I will get a call tomorrow or the next day if they need anyone...really guy? an hour in your bullshit shrimp swiller and that is all you got for me?
I stop in a few other places I missed around time square getting the same kind of reactions I got yesterday. At this point I am really losing hope. I sit and I people watch in time square for a while, getting up to walk around now and again just hoping for a miracle, for something to jump out at me, hoping for a call or a sign or something.
Than it happened. I sat down at a table to smoke a cigarette and up walks a clown named peter who asks if he can sit with me. Peter dresses up like a clown a couple times a week and has people tip him for pictures with him. Peter is a funny old man who apparently has a lot of wisdom and even more time on his hands.
Peter tells me "you should ask those people handing out the fliers where to apply you know they make 8 dollars an hour doing that." No...no I didn't know that Peter thank you, it is time for me to start asking flyer peddlers for applications. Peter than hands me a dollar he got from someone taking his picture and says "hey what goes around comes around."
I shit you not this is real life...
I ask two different flyer guys where to go. The comedy flyer guy gives me a name and a number, I call the number ask for the name and the name gives me an address and tells me "tell em' you talked to me already and be there around 1 on monday for an interview." Than I go to the sight seeing bus stop and they tell me to come back between 9 and 5 on monday and go to the third floor.
I now have two appointments on monday for possible income. I also came across an street team job (basically the same thing as flyer peddling) on craigslist, now I have another number to call on monday.
I also found out you can sell plasma twice a week so tomorrow is blood selling day...I ended this day feeling like I wasn't going anywhere and I was destined for illinois again (at least for a few months till I have the money to come back). I walk into the door to my apt and the family I live with is celebrating a birthday. They feed me like a king and take my laundry to the dryer in the basement for me.
I suddenly feel like I might be able to make this work if I can just squeeze another week or two out of this apartment, which, with the blood selling I might be able to do. I don't know why but tonight is ending with optimism. The hardest part will just be waiting for Monday.
This blog post is dedicated to Peter The Clown.
"It's only money son."
-Peter The Clown
...thank you kind sir...thank you.
KH-
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
New York Day 21 "B.A.M.F"
::This blog entry contains adult language::
I'm updating you early because I wont have time tomorrow to do that. My day was incredibly unproductive but it did give me a lot of time to think. I went to the DMV to get my non drivers ID for my security license. First I went to the DMV on 8th ave only to be told that for what I need, because I never had an NYS ID before I needed to go to the DMV on 6th. I walk my happy self over there, catching up with travis on the phone as I walk, get to the floor the DMV is on and strap in for a long day of waiting.
The DMV office is pretty much what you would expect it to be, white with that awful puke green in a solid stripe around all the pillars and bordering the walls. I stand in a line that seems to be uncharacteristically long for what it is for. When I see a line this long I assume it's for a roller coaster, a bar, a sold out concert...a blow job contest...something...anything more interesting or fun than to get some personal identification.
I stand in this line for almost 3 and a half hours only to be told that I don't have enough ID to get an ID. I need my original birth certificate as well as something other than my drivers license and social security card for me to prove it's me. I walk out discouraged, and start wandering aimlessly just to collect myself. I have to sit down eventually, I had been standing for so long and than the walking married to the fact that I had a muffin for breakfast 9 hours prior and that was the extent of my food intake for the day just left me exhausted. After a short rest and a moral boosting talk with Alex it was time to walk back over to the temp agency I went to before.
I renew my application I fill out the hiring packet and they tell me to sit and wait because they will have work for me today. I sit and wait for another 3 hours and no work...at all. I could have been finding work for myself, setting up interviews, dropping of resumes in that time...I would have been livid were it not for meeting a guy who seemed fairly nice. While I was waiting I called a security office about a job and they gave me an interview but told me I would have to pay 100 for my 16 hour training (I only have the 8 hour). I told this to the guy I was making friends with and he tells me "Yeah I used to work at that office they sell security training...they told you a hundred but when you get there they will rack up fees and processing charges and it will be more like 200, bet they promised you a desk job checking people in and out huh? yeah I know that speech and you get those jobs but not often."
Well thank you kind stranger...I didn't have the hundred anyway. I walked out of that temp agency once again feeling lost, angry, scared. I call Lauren as I try and regroup and figure out my next move. My spirits lifted a bit after that conversation but I still needed my woosah moment, a calming of the spirit. I get myself a slice of veggie pizza because holy hell I need some food in me. Right next to the Madison Square Garden there is a Borders and I know I can always find solace there. I am walking through these isles reading covers and titles when really all i want to do is teleport to my old bed just for a couple hours, for a nap in a familiar place with familiar things.
There are some times where a boy just needs his Mother, so I gave her a call. After having her offer me some perspective, and after i was done squeezing out some tears like a little girl I had to let her go. I sat on the steps of the Garden for a few minutes when it hit me, like a sack of bricks I realized something, I had a revelation. Yes I am tired, I am lonely, I am homesick, yes I am scared about the future...but I'm Kyle Fucking Hoskins.
I get scared and I soldier on, I get tired and I regroup, I get lonely and I make some new friends and call old ones if I have to, I get homesick I wander into a borders and remember Rockford. I did all of these things today because that is what I do...how on earth could I have forgotten that I am Kyle Fucking Hoskins a BAMF from Illinois with a dream on his back and a give em hell attitude?
I sucked up the snot I had been sniffling, let my eyes dry, bought a pouch of drum tobacco (screw you I earned it) rolled a cigarette, lit it up and walked to Jessica's for some more of my things with the re realized knowledge that I get shit done...it's what I do. If I need to cry I'm man enough to do it but I don't ever forget that failure isn't a word I recognize, it isn't an option and it is a non possibility.
Tonight I revamp my resume for service industry work. Tomorrow I go door to door, restaurant to restaurant, at least ten till I get an interview. I do the same thing every day till I get a steady job again. I sell some blood if I have to, I make my money stretch, I make it work. I'm Kyle Fucking Hoskins and I'm Dream Catching in New York City and I should never...ever forget that.
KH-
I'm updating you early because I wont have time tomorrow to do that. My day was incredibly unproductive but it did give me a lot of time to think. I went to the DMV to get my non drivers ID for my security license. First I went to the DMV on 8th ave only to be told that for what I need, because I never had an NYS ID before I needed to go to the DMV on 6th. I walk my happy self over there, catching up with travis on the phone as I walk, get to the floor the DMV is on and strap in for a long day of waiting.
The DMV office is pretty much what you would expect it to be, white with that awful puke green in a solid stripe around all the pillars and bordering the walls. I stand in a line that seems to be uncharacteristically long for what it is for. When I see a line this long I assume it's for a roller coaster, a bar, a sold out concert...a blow job contest...something...anything more interesting or fun than to get some personal identification.
I stand in this line for almost 3 and a half hours only to be told that I don't have enough ID to get an ID. I need my original birth certificate as well as something other than my drivers license and social security card for me to prove it's me. I walk out discouraged, and start wandering aimlessly just to collect myself. I have to sit down eventually, I had been standing for so long and than the walking married to the fact that I had a muffin for breakfast 9 hours prior and that was the extent of my food intake for the day just left me exhausted. After a short rest and a moral boosting talk with Alex it was time to walk back over to the temp agency I went to before.
I renew my application I fill out the hiring packet and they tell me to sit and wait because they will have work for me today. I sit and wait for another 3 hours and no work...at all. I could have been finding work for myself, setting up interviews, dropping of resumes in that time...I would have been livid were it not for meeting a guy who seemed fairly nice. While I was waiting I called a security office about a job and they gave me an interview but told me I would have to pay 100 for my 16 hour training (I only have the 8 hour). I told this to the guy I was making friends with and he tells me "Yeah I used to work at that office they sell security training...they told you a hundred but when you get there they will rack up fees and processing charges and it will be more like 200, bet they promised you a desk job checking people in and out huh? yeah I know that speech and you get those jobs but not often."
Well thank you kind stranger...I didn't have the hundred anyway. I walked out of that temp agency once again feeling lost, angry, scared. I call Lauren as I try and regroup and figure out my next move. My spirits lifted a bit after that conversation but I still needed my woosah moment, a calming of the spirit. I get myself a slice of veggie pizza because holy hell I need some food in me. Right next to the Madison Square Garden there is a Borders and I know I can always find solace there. I am walking through these isles reading covers and titles when really all i want to do is teleport to my old bed just for a couple hours, for a nap in a familiar place with familiar things.
There are some times where a boy just needs his Mother, so I gave her a call. After having her offer me some perspective, and after i was done squeezing out some tears like a little girl I had to let her go. I sat on the steps of the Garden for a few minutes when it hit me, like a sack of bricks I realized something, I had a revelation. Yes I am tired, I am lonely, I am homesick, yes I am scared about the future...but I'm Kyle Fucking Hoskins.
I get scared and I soldier on, I get tired and I regroup, I get lonely and I make some new friends and call old ones if I have to, I get homesick I wander into a borders and remember Rockford. I did all of these things today because that is what I do...how on earth could I have forgotten that I am Kyle Fucking Hoskins a BAMF from Illinois with a dream on his back and a give em hell attitude?
I sucked up the snot I had been sniffling, let my eyes dry, bought a pouch of drum tobacco (screw you I earned it) rolled a cigarette, lit it up and walked to Jessica's for some more of my things with the re realized knowledge that I get shit done...it's what I do. If I need to cry I'm man enough to do it but I don't ever forget that failure isn't a word I recognize, it isn't an option and it is a non possibility.
Tonight I revamp my resume for service industry work. Tomorrow I go door to door, restaurant to restaurant, at least ten till I get an interview. I do the same thing every day till I get a steady job again. I sell some blood if I have to, I make my money stretch, I make it work. I'm Kyle Fucking Hoskins and I'm Dream Catching in New York City and I should never...ever forget that.
KH-
New York Day 19-20 "ebbs and flows"
Day 19 doesn't really go as I expected. It was labor day and my boss who was looking at getting me a place wasn't in. I am slowly starting to realize at this point that no one at this bar has a clue as to what is going on in general. They say a lot of shit and follow through on none of it. This sends a wave of panic through my spine...I need to find a place...soon.
I was able to crash at Lindsay's again but before it was time to sleep it was time to freak out and craigslist hunt for desperate roommates. After I found every craigslist add I could that wasn't a scam or an add for something else there was nothing else to do but try and forget my worries with Lindsay...so we went to sing at piano's.
Something this city has made me realize...I didn't know what living in the moment was till I moved here. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when I get to Lindsay's and some how I am able to forget it entirely for an evening and join an entire bar in a chorus of "Bohemian Rhapsody".
I woke up on day 20 a man on a mission. I had a list of apartments to call and not a lot of time to do it in. The first place I call says I can see the place that day. It's all the way in Washington Heights which is about a thirty min subway ride from downtown and a bit longer if you are coming from brooklyn like I was so I high tailed it.
I show up to the building in a not so terrible neighborhood, the room is in an apartment owned by a very nice Mexican family who tell me that I can pay the deposit of 360 (2 weeks in advance) and move in the same day.
I'm on top of the world at that point, it is a small room in a clean apartment in a safe building in a relatively safe neighborhood...I couldn't have done better. I go into work which wasn't a bad day and than get hit in the face with yet another obstacle. Charlie, the co owner of the bar, pulls me aside and tells me not to come in tomorrow. He says to call him to find out if I work on Friday.
I ask Charlie, "do i still have a job?" He shrugs his shoulders and says "I'm trying some other guys out." I ask "Did I do something wrong?" "No kid I'm just trying some new guys out checking out my options."
...sound of breaking glass...you piece of shit...
How much money do I want to put down that says Charlie has a buddy who needs a job and Charlie is "creating a position"...I believe people from where he comes from would use the phrase "that rat bastard"
So I'm panicking again...
Upsides I have 2 weeks paid in a place and i found this job in 4 days of actual all day looking. Today is temp agency day...I need to find another job and I think I will i'm just stressing over it. This city has a way of working out but it also has a way of taking you through the ringer before it works out. This is my life now, everyone has ebbs and flows...but in this city the valleys drop quick and the mountain tops take your breath away.
wish me luck on this rollercoaster because I'm going to need it.
KH-
I was able to crash at Lindsay's again but before it was time to sleep it was time to freak out and craigslist hunt for desperate roommates. After I found every craigslist add I could that wasn't a scam or an add for something else there was nothing else to do but try and forget my worries with Lindsay...so we went to sing at piano's.
Something this city has made me realize...I didn't know what living in the moment was till I moved here. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when I get to Lindsay's and some how I am able to forget it entirely for an evening and join an entire bar in a chorus of "Bohemian Rhapsody".
I woke up on day 20 a man on a mission. I had a list of apartments to call and not a lot of time to do it in. The first place I call says I can see the place that day. It's all the way in Washington Heights which is about a thirty min subway ride from downtown and a bit longer if you are coming from brooklyn like I was so I high tailed it.
I show up to the building in a not so terrible neighborhood, the room is in an apartment owned by a very nice Mexican family who tell me that I can pay the deposit of 360 (2 weeks in advance) and move in the same day.
I'm on top of the world at that point, it is a small room in a clean apartment in a safe building in a relatively safe neighborhood...I couldn't have done better. I go into work which wasn't a bad day and than get hit in the face with yet another obstacle. Charlie, the co owner of the bar, pulls me aside and tells me not to come in tomorrow. He says to call him to find out if I work on Friday.
I ask Charlie, "do i still have a job?" He shrugs his shoulders and says "I'm trying some other guys out." I ask "Did I do something wrong?" "No kid I'm just trying some new guys out checking out my options."
...sound of breaking glass...you piece of shit...
How much money do I want to put down that says Charlie has a buddy who needs a job and Charlie is "creating a position"...I believe people from where he comes from would use the phrase "that rat bastard"
So I'm panicking again...
Upsides I have 2 weeks paid in a place and i found this job in 4 days of actual all day looking. Today is temp agency day...I need to find another job and I think I will i'm just stressing over it. This city has a way of working out but it also has a way of taking you through the ringer before it works out. This is my life now, everyone has ebbs and flows...but in this city the valleys drop quick and the mountain tops take your breath away.
wish me luck on this rollercoaster because I'm going to need it.
KH-
Monday, September 6, 2010
New York Days 16-18 “ Like A Rolling Stone”
What?....WHAT?...it’s only been 4 days since I last posted? Unbelievable. After this last four days I feel like I’ve been here for months. Well I guess I should get to telling you what’s been going on.
Thursday it was a whole lot of nothing with a healthy dose of fear and worry thrown in I sat and I freaked out about my living situation and it didn’t help that it was my day off so I had nothing else to do that day. I did however have some nice bonding time and pizza with the roomie. I still felt the pressure though because I had a possible place to live I just couldn’t move in for a few days.
Friday was more of the same, although at the end of this day my living situation became a bit more complicated. For reasons that are too complicated to go into it became clear that the best thing for everyone was if I stayed with Lindsay till I could get into my new place which I still hadn’t seen.
Saturday seems to run all the way into today. I go to work and at the tail end my boss has a guy who lives in the place he wants to show me take me to Jersey to check out the “apartment”. It is an absolute shit hole. It’s a bedroom smaller than the one I had growing up with a communal bathroom and kitchen and it’s filled with drug addicts. At first I was fairly discouraged but than I realized a few things.
First, I don’t have to make this a long term situation. I am making enough money were, especially when I get a second Job, i can move out in 2,3 months tops. the only reason I’m not living in an apartment that is only a couple hundred more in Brooklyn is I didn’t have the deposit. I save up and I move as soon as I can simple as that.
Second I lived around drug addicts before it isn’t a problem for me. I can consider this my starving artist punk rock days. I can look back and say “hey remember that shit hole I lived in when I first moved to New York? Crazy huh?” After looking at the apartment It was time to go to a secret warehouse party I heard about through lindsay.
I find my way to the train that takes me to the area where the party is. If Brooklyn had a middle of nowhere this would be it. I walk to the street the warehouse is supposed to be on through a neighborhood were I’m fairly certain that the only reason my color didn’t get my ass kicked is because of my size.
I follow the groups of people walking past a chain link fence to the back of a warehouse. I walk through a gravel parking lot and when I turn the corner of the first warehouse I see that tucked far in the back, behind a block of warehouses is an old train service station. The dilapidated train tracks still leading to this place. Red lights are shining from this place and an arch of balloons overhang the massive entrance.
I stand in the line to get in and people watch all the people who came dressed up. The theme was Japanese Imperialism...or something like that. I am so excited by the time I get to the door I can barely contain myself. I have never been to anything like this before and the fact that a perfectly reasonable ice breaker for this thing is “how did you hear about this thing?” made the entire event that much more exciting.
I walk and I am overcome by how unique it all is. It was essentially an art exhibition with a rave going on in the middle and a bar off to the side. There was a booth where you could confess your sexual sins and they would “punish” you accordingly (meaning they hit you with sex toys while your friends take pictures and laugh). There was a booth for “Rape-O the clown” where you could pay 25 cents and get insulted. there was an entire area where they had laid down astro turf and covered in in rose petals for people to lay down and play in.
There were booths designed to befuddle your senses and even a small hookah lounge area. I visited most of these areas a few times, it was pretty incredible. I was surrounded by people and music. The music was some pretty intense trance techno, not some shitty house music but real techno that made your chest beat and forced your body to move. And of course I was greeted every now and again by a heavy waft of pot smoke.
I took it all in and enjoyed the site of party goes making out in the rose petals and the dance floor...from what I understand my friend Lindsay got to see a lot more than that when she walked past an alley to get to the party.
It was the biggest display of art, hedonism and self expression I had ever seen. I danced my ass off and marveled at what I saw till 6 o clock in the morning. I hopped in a car that the rest of my group came here in and we drove back to Lindsay’s and passed out.
When I woke up yesterday it was time to go to work. My things where still at Jessica’s so I headed over there to change than went to work. There I met a pretty cool band named “The Naked Apes” from Connecticut. I called my boss to see if I could give him a smaller down payment now and pay the rest on thursday for the apt he said it should be fine but I guess I will see today.
After work it was time to go back to Brooklyn. I met some more new people, ate some great food and went back to Lindsay’s, at this point I was so tired I could barely keep my head up and I was never so happy to see a bedroll and a shower. Now I a writing this on the brink. I find out today if I have a stable place to lay my head and if the answer is yes I will have mixed feelings about it. I am going to close my eyes and barrel through this next month or so just as fast as I can. I am going to hustle and scrape for this money because I really don’t want to live as far out as I am in the place that I am.
But I am keeping a good attitude about it all. This is living, these are stories to tell, these are my real nomad days. My all or nothing, young and reckless, dream catching days. I knew it would be hard and I am secretly enjoying every hardship because I know it is leading me towards greatness.
KH-
P.S I should take a moment to mention. My friends have been a constant source of help and support. I have been given food when I was hungry, a place to sleep when I had none and support when I was feeling broken. Lindsay and Jessica especially have helped me make sure I don't go hungry or have to sleep in a door Jam. And Lauren has been a daily and constant source of strength and support. She never lets me forget that I can do this and she is always checking to make sure I'm okay. She helps keep the smile on my face. Travis, and Alex are always open to me if I call they answer and are ready to tell me to man up and do what needs to be done. My poor mother is consistently rooting for me even though I know hearing about my hard times worries her out of her mind she never makes me feel guilty for leaving.
I love you all, deeply.
Thursday it was a whole lot of nothing with a healthy dose of fear and worry thrown in I sat and I freaked out about my living situation and it didn’t help that it was my day off so I had nothing else to do that day. I did however have some nice bonding time and pizza with the roomie. I still felt the pressure though because I had a possible place to live I just couldn’t move in for a few days.
Friday was more of the same, although at the end of this day my living situation became a bit more complicated. For reasons that are too complicated to go into it became clear that the best thing for everyone was if I stayed with Lindsay till I could get into my new place which I still hadn’t seen.
Saturday seems to run all the way into today. I go to work and at the tail end my boss has a guy who lives in the place he wants to show me take me to Jersey to check out the “apartment”. It is an absolute shit hole. It’s a bedroom smaller than the one I had growing up with a communal bathroom and kitchen and it’s filled with drug addicts. At first I was fairly discouraged but than I realized a few things.
First, I don’t have to make this a long term situation. I am making enough money were, especially when I get a second Job, i can move out in 2,3 months tops. the only reason I’m not living in an apartment that is only a couple hundred more in Brooklyn is I didn’t have the deposit. I save up and I move as soon as I can simple as that.
Second I lived around drug addicts before it isn’t a problem for me. I can consider this my starving artist punk rock days. I can look back and say “hey remember that shit hole I lived in when I first moved to New York? Crazy huh?” After looking at the apartment It was time to go to a secret warehouse party I heard about through lindsay.
I find my way to the train that takes me to the area where the party is. If Brooklyn had a middle of nowhere this would be it. I walk to the street the warehouse is supposed to be on through a neighborhood were I’m fairly certain that the only reason my color didn’t get my ass kicked is because of my size.
I follow the groups of people walking past a chain link fence to the back of a warehouse. I walk through a gravel parking lot and when I turn the corner of the first warehouse I see that tucked far in the back, behind a block of warehouses is an old train service station. The dilapidated train tracks still leading to this place. Red lights are shining from this place and an arch of balloons overhang the massive entrance.
I stand in the line to get in and people watch all the people who came dressed up. The theme was Japanese Imperialism...or something like that. I am so excited by the time I get to the door I can barely contain myself. I have never been to anything like this before and the fact that a perfectly reasonable ice breaker for this thing is “how did you hear about this thing?” made the entire event that much more exciting.
I walk and I am overcome by how unique it all is. It was essentially an art exhibition with a rave going on in the middle and a bar off to the side. There was a booth where you could confess your sexual sins and they would “punish” you accordingly (meaning they hit you with sex toys while your friends take pictures and laugh). There was a booth for “Rape-O the clown” where you could pay 25 cents and get insulted. there was an entire area where they had laid down astro turf and covered in in rose petals for people to lay down and play in.
There were booths designed to befuddle your senses and even a small hookah lounge area. I visited most of these areas a few times, it was pretty incredible. I was surrounded by people and music. The music was some pretty intense trance techno, not some shitty house music but real techno that made your chest beat and forced your body to move. And of course I was greeted every now and again by a heavy waft of pot smoke.
I took it all in and enjoyed the site of party goes making out in the rose petals and the dance floor...from what I understand my friend Lindsay got to see a lot more than that when she walked past an alley to get to the party.
It was the biggest display of art, hedonism and self expression I had ever seen. I danced my ass off and marveled at what I saw till 6 o clock in the morning. I hopped in a car that the rest of my group came here in and we drove back to Lindsay’s and passed out.
When I woke up yesterday it was time to go to work. My things where still at Jessica’s so I headed over there to change than went to work. There I met a pretty cool band named “The Naked Apes” from Connecticut. I called my boss to see if I could give him a smaller down payment now and pay the rest on thursday for the apt he said it should be fine but I guess I will see today.
After work it was time to go back to Brooklyn. I met some more new people, ate some great food and went back to Lindsay’s, at this point I was so tired I could barely keep my head up and I was never so happy to see a bedroll and a shower. Now I a writing this on the brink. I find out today if I have a stable place to lay my head and if the answer is yes I will have mixed feelings about it. I am going to close my eyes and barrel through this next month or so just as fast as I can. I am going to hustle and scrape for this money because I really don’t want to live as far out as I am in the place that I am.
But I am keeping a good attitude about it all. This is living, these are stories to tell, these are my real nomad days. My all or nothing, young and reckless, dream catching days. I knew it would be hard and I am secretly enjoying every hardship because I know it is leading me towards greatness.
KH-
P.S I should take a moment to mention. My friends have been a constant source of help and support. I have been given food when I was hungry, a place to sleep when I had none and support when I was feeling broken. Lindsay and Jessica especially have helped me make sure I don't go hungry or have to sleep in a door Jam. And Lauren has been a daily and constant source of strength and support. She never lets me forget that I can do this and she is always checking to make sure I'm okay. She helps keep the smile on my face. Travis, and Alex are always open to me if I call they answer and are ready to tell me to man up and do what needs to be done. My poor mother is consistently rooting for me even though I know hearing about my hard times worries her out of her mind she never makes me feel guilty for leaving.
I love you all, deeply.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
New York Day 15 “Welcome To The Show.”
This wasn’t that eventful of a day which is kind of awesome because back in IL I would have called this day somewhat full. I had to get my papers in order and walk over to the DMV to get my state ID that I need to get my security license.
On the walk there I pass by non other than Lewis Freaking Black. He is easily in my top five favorite comedians and I walked past him on a wed afternoon on my way to the DMV. I am so glad it was hot as balls out and we both looked like we were in a hurry otherwise I would have stopped him and made an ass of myself.
I walked into the DMV realized this was going to be an all day affair and walked right out…I had to be at work in an hour and I’m used to the DMV being a 20-30 minute event. Note to self, New York is not Belvidere.
Work wasn’t too exciting, met some new people had some fun made some money. The highlight of the day was really the walk home. I ate way to much for 5 dollars, I saw two guys on two separate blocks playing some amazing drum solos on a few cans, some bongos and some buckets. I saw an Elvis impersonator in a Subway (as in the crappy sub restaurant not the subway) and I saw a half naked guy peeing on the sidewalk. No where could you get all that for five bucks, except of course the streets of Manhattan.
If everything goes according to plan and I have done the math correctly and the apartment my boss said I could get in Jersey pans out I will be on my own FINALLY come Wed, Thursday at the latest. Cross your fingers because any longer than that and I might have to come back to the good ol’ Midwest, my conscience couldn’t take living under the kindness of a friend for longer than that.
KH-
On the walk there I pass by non other than Lewis Freaking Black. He is easily in my top five favorite comedians and I walked past him on a wed afternoon on my way to the DMV. I am so glad it was hot as balls out and we both looked like we were in a hurry otherwise I would have stopped him and made an ass of myself.
I walked into the DMV realized this was going to be an all day affair and walked right out…I had to be at work in an hour and I’m used to the DMV being a 20-30 minute event. Note to self, New York is not Belvidere.
Work wasn’t too exciting, met some new people had some fun made some money. The highlight of the day was really the walk home. I ate way to much for 5 dollars, I saw two guys on two separate blocks playing some amazing drum solos on a few cans, some bongos and some buckets. I saw an Elvis impersonator in a Subway (as in the crappy sub restaurant not the subway) and I saw a half naked guy peeing on the sidewalk. No where could you get all that for five bucks, except of course the streets of Manhattan.
If everything goes according to plan and I have done the math correctly and the apartment my boss said I could get in Jersey pans out I will be on my own FINALLY come Wed, Thursday at the latest. Cross your fingers because any longer than that and I might have to come back to the good ol’ Midwest, my conscience couldn’t take living under the kindness of a friend for longer than that.
KH-
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
New York Day 13/14 “You’re The Best Around”
I realize I’m going to screw up my flow by doing two days at once; one of those days isn’t even finished yet. I’m sorry but I couldn’t write day 13 and make you wait for today because day 13 was just too depressing.
Day 13 started out fairly hopeful. It was the day I was to go get security certified. I ride up a sketchy elevator, walk through a dilapidated hallway, walk through a squeaky door and am greeted by a man who has a half Brooklyn, half southern accent and seemed to speak without any discernable timing what so ever.
All his sentences just revved up like an engine and than his final point (which may very well have nothing to do with the topic he started on) will end in a slow shuffle. Ifyouwhereforcedtoreadthisman’sspeachpatternitwouldsortof look…like…thiiiis. So needless to say (but I will anyway) he wasn’t the best of teachers. Luckily most of security work is common sense which I have plenty of so I aced the test. I spent 80 dollars because apparently I was mislead…you can take the class for 25 but it doesn’t do you any good unless you also purchase the license, that isn’t issued with the 25 dollar class. I also have to pay a 35 dollar processing fee. I also had to have my mom overnight me my birth certificate so I can get a NY state ID for some reason, it’s all very complicated but I did leave the class with a completion certificate.
Not moments after I got done with that class I marched over to Dave’s Tavern and asked to speak to Dave. Apparently the guy I saw on Friday was not Dave, Dave hangs out in the basement taking care of the bills. He was classic Hell’s Kitchen mixed with your sweet old Grandpa. “So what makes you think you can be a bouncer…ya big enough.” He says to me. I throw on my Hoskins charm, I smile and say “Yes sir, sure am and I also bounced for a year at a small town bar.” “Oh yeah where ya from?” “Illinois, bout 2 hours from Chicago.” I than described my duties there and made small talk being as nice and genuine as I could. Dave warmed up to me and looked up at Charlie (the man I originally mistook for Dave) and said “Hey Charlie I like this kid, maybe we can use him tonight show him the ropes.” This is of course under the condition that sooner rather than later I get all my certification sent to the state so I’m all legal and what not.
I left with a swell of pride and excitement, with a healthy dose of fear because I didn’t really do that much at Buchannan street pub. I still however was confused at all I had to do to get my certification legitimized, I was also discouraged and not finding another job that could probably pay more. Dave didn’t call that night and I went to sleep in a cold sweat of panic I woke up much the same way.
There was no speaking of my troubles today, if I verbalized them I would give them power and if they had any more power I would be crushed. Instead I got a list of 7 temp agencies, I figured with the modes of transport open to me that would take me most the day. The first temp agency didn’t exist anymore. The second temp agency was impressed with my experience and manner (one of articulate charisma and confidence not to blow my own horn but in an interview I’m pretty bad ass) and offered me a position. They told me to come in at 2pm tomorrow.
Shortly after I left there however Dave called back. “Can you be at the bar around 4 that’s when I wanna start you.” “Sure Dave not a problem.” Well this is a good thing and a bad thing…This is a nice guy if the temp agency is a better gig I’m going to have to piss this guy off…but hey he is offering me money in hand.
I go to Dave’s Tavern at 4 and Dave hands me a tiny flashlight and explains how important it is for me to check ID’s and offers little nuggets of bouncing wisdom here and there. When I finally settle I realize that Dave’s Tavern is seriously just like Buchannan Street Pub. They have the same kind of regulars, a little better music but it really is just a small town bar in a small neighborhood in a big city, which made me much less nervous. I did however get to see a fight outside the bar that wasn’t broken up by the cops which is something that doesn’t happen a lot in Belvidere…but hey it was outside my bar so it wasn’t really my problem. Also both the guys involved I could have easily subdued so once again my fears of the neighborhood peaked and then faded quickly. Also the other guy had it coming…he was kind of an ass so there is that.
Dave than walked me around the corner to his other bar “Port 41.” He wanted me to alternate doors every 20 minutes. Port 41 is interesting if for no other reason than it says it’s a bikini bar and it is literally a bar with bartenders who happen to be in bikinis. In Rockford bikini bar means “lame strip club” but apparently in New York sometimes what you see is exactly what you get.
I realized something after working at these places for five hours. People, no matter where you go, no matter the time, the age or the class, are just people, and people generally are the same wherever you go. Dave’s has the same drunk who is on his third beer at 4 o clock in the afternoon, the old man who practically lives there, the bar fly who is probably doing coke in the bathroom, the sweet girl who used to work there and now likes to visit now and again, the annoying drunk guy who thinks he is your best friend. Really a big city is just a bunch of small towns stacked next to each other separated only by a block or two.
Dave also offered me a cheap apartment in Jersey so it sounds like by the end of this week or next I will be on my own officially. I ended yesterday a mess, ready to scream out of panic and worry, letting my mind come up with the worst possible scenarios and I am ending the day with a pretty good handle on how I’m going to survive this.
New York you came through again.
KH-
Monday, August 30, 2010
New York Day 12 “Under Pressure”
I wish I could type here that I was involved in some wild evening or some kind of uniquely New York adventure but that wasn’t the case today. Today was a blind panic of craigslist hunting and praying for opportunity. I was in my head all day freaking out, visions of living on the street tired and hungry, I went out to get a bite to eat and walked past a guy sleeping in a door jam and it sent a shiver up my spine.
That wouldn’t happen of course, because I have family who love me so I would just end up back in Rockford. But stepping off the plane in O’Hare with no more than I left with, head hung in shame at my failed endeavors, having to face all the people I said good bye to with empty hands and an empty heart…the door jam is starting to sound a lot cozier.
I just have to hope and pray that I get a job which shouldn’t be too terribly difficult. I have security certification class tomorrow and a possible bouncing job after that, it isn’t much but it’s a start and I have to hope that I can wrangle something that can get me into an apartment sooner rather than later. I am welcome in the space I am occupying but I don’t want to take advantage.
My goal is I am out of here or at least have arrangements to be out of here by the end of the week…I want to be on my own and if I can’t do this, if I can’t accomplish something as simple as renting an apartment and getting a job to sustain that apartment than I might as well give up the acting dream all together….or becoming any kind of useful member of society for that matter.
There is an internal monologue going inside me every second of every day that I am holding on to for dear life. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.” And god damn it I can I just have to man up and do it and trust that the leap I made by coming here will continue to prove its self the right move.
Spoiler: I am writing this on day 13 and things do take a positive turn I just don’t want to mess with the flow of this blog so look forward to good news tomorrow.
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