Haven’t done this in a while. Sat down to the key board, put on some tunes and wrote. It’s one of many things I’m hoping to introduce to my life again. I have been so overwhelmed I haven’t been able to even consider putting the proverbial pen to paper in what feels like months.
I’m not going to go into details, mainly because of how painful those details are, but at the moment I am drifting again. Luckily I have the resources this time around that I have a definite end date in site.
The short story is that I was going to move, those moving plans fell through but not before my roommates took a security deposit from someone intending to take over what was supposed to be my vacancy. Shortly after that my friend Reagan expressed a need for a roommate and while my moving situation was FUBAR acts of extreme gratitude and maturity allowed me the resources to take over Reagan’s soon to be vacant room. So now I am in a living situation limbo until the old roomie moves out.
I don’t mind it terribly actually...at this moment I kind of like being a leaf on the wind. I think that’s just because the hardships of drifting make you appreciate everything. My friend Cara is staying with her man tonight and has allowed me her room which has a real, honest to goodness bed...I’ve been sleeping on a futon for 8 months so this is heavenly. It’s moments like this, solitude and privacy when you are used to exposure, comfort when you are used to compromise, safety when you are used to uncertainty that just makes everything worth it.
On top of that I am in the process of shifting my career focus. I had been putting so much of my time, effort and energy into a project that I believed in but ultimately wasn’t something that suited me. Thankfully my boss and friend Dan is understanding enough to continue to offer me enough work that could potentially pay my bills while I also try to find a second job and focus finally on acting.
There are other things happening that are a bit more traumatic but nothing I want to air out in public. Lets just leave it at this, this has been and intensely stressful few months...actually when I think about it it’s been that this entire year.
The choices I have made, the roads I have chosen to travel have led me through some of the most painful and stressful situations I have ever encountered and if pressed I would say I don’t really believe things will ever get this insane for me again, because well, not to tempt fate but how could they?
Aside from that though I have grown more, learned more about life and myself, and experienced more life in the past year than I think I have in the previous 23. When I moved here my mother said “I just want you to have life experiences” well mom...your welcome.
I am looking on the horizon of my life and I don’t know where it is going and at the moment I am devastated over missing pieces...huge chunks in my life that should be there but aren’t, but logistically I am seeing things come together that (I say with bated breath) seem to offer a sense of security and normalcy finally. Now lets see if I can finally making some headway in the goals I came out here to achieve.
In about 10 days it will be 1 year since I made the trip...I guess I’ll talk to you again than.
I love you all...especially you....you know who you are and I miss you.
KH-
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