New York (Day 59-65) "Tiny Moments Of Nirvana"

It's been a week? really? since I last updated you? Insane. My silence isn't due to being too busy or anything profound I just haven't had the drive, also not a lot of interesting things happened. The only days worth mentioning where today and yesterday.

Yesterday was filled with small moments of nirvana that I held on to for all they were worth. Sometimes you need to take the little moments that don't matter but still make you smile and revel in them.

I woke up crying, as has been my routine for the past month. I figured it was going to be another day of acting like I'm okay in the hopes that at some point the lie will become my truth. I made a decision after my shower...I was going to get my goddamn bagel.

When I moved here Jessica introduced me to the Brooklyn Bagel and Coffee Company and there bagels where my breakfast for two weeks strait. I loved these bagels, they allowed me a moment to get collect myself and enjoy a filling flavorful breakfast at the same time. I have been depressed for an entire month and hadn't had a bagel from this place in longer...it was time...for my...goddamn...bagel.

I walked into the shop with a mission. "An everything toasted with low fat veggie" I said with conviction and purpose. I sat down with my bagel, bit in to that little bit of heaven, tasted that low fat veggie cream cheese and let the world fall away.

Than I was walking down the street and I passed a pizza shop and thought "you know what, I'm getting a slice of New York Pizza and walking to my station because that makes me smile and I fucking can." So that is what I did.

When I got to work Ihad a lot of time and made another decision. I hate Top tobacco but I have been smoking it because Travis was kind enough to buy some for me. I decided that I was going to buy myself a pouch of my brand, drum tobacco. I sat on the stoop of my work place and rolled that cigarette to perfection and lit it with one match and enjoyed.

In that moment I had the goofiest look on my face, I chose not to worry about anything and experienced the contentment of a child for just a few moments. Those moments where real and they where precious.

After work I enjoyed a glass of wine and a hookah session with friends and the night was complete. I spent some money I will regret spending later but I spent it on moments of happiness and it was totally worth it.

Today I had an audition for The Jekyll and Hyde club. I was nervous I thought I didn't do that well but I got a call back already. So monday I find out if I have another acting gig. In the process of auditioning I made some new friends. The past two days have been filled with pleasant surprises and I truly hope they keep coming.

I love you all

KH-