This is turning into more of a weekly blog than A daily. I apologize for that but things aren't as exciting on a day to day basis as they used to be...maybe they are and I'm just getting used to it.
Anyway, my days have been taken up by work. I will soon be in a financial situation where I can get out of this shitty apartment situation. They said when I came back they needed me out by the end of the month however...this is the end of the month and they haven't confirmed everything...so I'm pretending I forgot.
If they do kick me out before I can raise the money to move I have a couple people who have offered me the kindness of there couch so I'm not insanely worried. I was in a position financially to buy a Parka do go over my coat to keep me warmer than my coat can which is leaps and bounds from where I was a couple weeks ago.
Selling is going really really well. Not a lot more drama at work, just enough to be annoying not enough to report about. The guy that got in my face did try making nice with me. I'll smile and nod, say everything is water under the bridge but I am not forgetting that the guy is a fucking phsyco and would love to see me and my entire team dead just because we are competition.
I got to shake Donald Glover's hand the other day while at work...my life is kind of being consumed by work but I will soon be in a position where I can get on some auditioning websites...maybe order some head shots and get back on the acting track. Maybe I can do something that isn't experimental theatre. The nightmare house was awesome and Jekyl and Hyde would have been great if I got it but I am ready for something with a script.
I love improv as well but improv is not why I love acting.
This was my first Thanksgiving in New York and what a Thanksgiving it was. I went to the grocery store (which was open...wtf?) and got potatoes, and wine and a few other things. I hopped on the train, took the wrong connecting train, got back on the train and finally arrived at my friends Dawn and Amanda's apt.
I made the Mashed taters with lumps just like ma used to make, I carved the turkey and remarked on the irony of the only vegetarian in the room cutting the bird, I ate insane amounts of food...really it was unseemly, drank an equally grotesque amount of wine and vodka and hung out with some of my favorite NYC peeps. Lindsey and Jessica had there own plans and Thanksgiving was kind of a nice reminder that I have been living here, I have built friendships here, I now have people who care about me here that aren't reserved to the Raymond Did It cast.
here are the rest of my holiday plans in case any of you are wondering. I don't want to do anything like a family christmas...I would rather wait till next year to do things that remind me of the traditions I can't have any more.
I also don't want to lose those sales days because they are big and they will probably carry me through the slow season which is the entire month of January and February.
So I think I will only be able to be in IL for a couple days the week before Christmas. The final plan will be figured out and announced once I figure it out.
That's all the news today, I wish I had something more interesting for you. I have five days till I've been here 3 months (not including the two weeks in october I went home) any ideas on something I should do to commemorate?
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
New York (Day 73-77) "A Rush Of Blood To The Head"
Never...a dull...moment.
Tuesday night I performed my scene at open mic night. I recorded it and put it on youtube. It went well, I got the usual rush one gets when performing in front of an audience. When I'm up there it feels like living art, it feels like I am orchestrating emotions and pulling back and pushing forward always walking the line of just the right inflection and emotion but not over the top and not too dull.
To be honest, performing in front of a crowd and grabbing the audience, to me, is pretty much exactly like seducing a woman. You open up and are genuine because if you aren't they will see it, but you don't open too much because you don't want to put them off, you make the audience laugh, you set the tone a little lower and when it starts to get too intense you break the tension again. You take them on a roller coaster and when you are done they have fallen in love.
Now I'm not saying that the crowd fell in love with me but performing feels a lot like that. After me Jessica and Stephie got some pizza and a guy who was at the open mic came up to me and complimented my work. It is one of the most gratifying feelings in the world and it is why I'm okay with having my name never remembered and my face never known...because as long as I can do this, perform, possibly making a living from it, than I will be happy.
Wed I started selling comedy tickets again. Wed and Thur was business as usual in the comedy ticket game, I sold nothing. I was also having a hard time talking to people, I'd lost my confidence. I don't know what happened on Friday though because as soon as the 7 o clock rush hit I was on fire. I didn't sell as many as my manager but I did sell the most tickets on my team. So with the help of 2 dear dear friends who sent me a donation via this blog (thank you again Robert and Travis) and a little salesmanship I am pulled out of the fire at the very last minute once again. I went from having .50c in my pocket to having just enough to pay rent, my phone, my metro card and food.
On Friday I had my last call back for Jekyll and Hyde. It didn't go as well as I would have liked. I was nervous and it through off my improve game and my voices. They only need a few people and I know at least 2 who are much more talented than I am in those areas that I am certain got the job. I probably wont get it but hey, that's good for me. It keeps me humble, reminds me that I need to and will get better. It reminds me that no matter how natural I think my talent may be everyone needs training to become the best. So my next step at some point is to get an acting coach or enroll in a workshop.
Now for the interesting part. Last night I was threatened and almost jumped. Here is the story. There is a rival promotions team on our same block and they are all bat shit insane. This one blond woman (I use the term woman very loosely here) asked me and my friend mike to move from our spots the other day. We politely said you have to speak with our boss about that.
Last night she decides to stand right in front of me and pitch so I can't. She also interrupts me and starts pitching people I am already speaking with. I got a little smart with her here and there, nothing serious though. After she stepped into my pitch she started pitching a different couple (by the way if you don't know pitching is just talking to people interested in buying) and when she is done I say "See how I didn't step into your pitch just then...that's how professionals act."
So I start talking to a group of four ( I can't say how much I make but I can tell you selling to a group of four is the kind of thing that buys your groceries) and they say they are interested but they want to make sure the club is legit. I say of course and begin to walk them to the end of the block to set up a reservation. I have to walk in front of this rival club to get there and blond girl tries to steal them again.
I politely tell them that if they just come with me I can show them the line up for the show I was talking about and if they decide to come to this club instead they are more than welcome...of course none of that was heard over this cunt's shrill, glass shattering voice (sorry, but the word applies).
Than...in response to nothing...a huge Redbeard looking bastard walks into my face and starts screaming "If you ever sell on this block again I'm gonna fucking kill you". He than calls me a bunch of names that seemed more creative in Junior high, takes my hat off my head and throws it in the street, steps on it when i try to pick it up,pushes me back, trips my legs up as I am walking away and screaming threats...somebody obviously wasn't hugged enough as a child...or maybe too much? Maybe he wasn't breast fed and is still bitter, maybe he was a child of a C section and feels robbed of the journey through the birthing canal...maybe Father Flarity requested a bit too much out of his penance...whatever the case this man has issues.
Now some things you should know, this man is out of his mind and built...and irish...so I would have probably lost this fight had I perpetuated it...but I REALLY wanted to make him remember my name at the very least. I didn't because I didn't feel like getting hit in the face and because I didn't feel like going to jail. Just so you know however I didn't just stand there and take it passively. I told him to move and than I screamed back in his face "Get the fuck out of my way!" and so on and on forth...but I wasn't about to raise a hand to this man no matter how badly he needed the beating.
I walked up to my manager...fists clenched, hands shaking, breath heavy...it takes me a moment to get the words out. ".....that....that....that FUCKING MICK just pushed me and threatened me" I tell my manager the story.
He tells me to sit down, I roll a cigarette (barely, my hands where shaking so badly) I take a drink of water and I calm down. The owner of the club comes out and says that we are going to file a report. We file a report with the police.
Here is why I am not nervous about the future, if the cops don't handle it my bosses will...lets just say they have friends in low places and leave it at that.
I am a little nervous and I think I may have to invest in some kind of protective measure just because I was really shook up...I was pissed...and shook up. I'm a vegetarian for Christ's sake I don't like solving anything with violence, I'm too damn smart to have to throw down. But I am also not worried about my ability to defend myself, my dad taught me the essentials to self defense and he said pretty much the same thing my friend Derek said. "there is no such thing as a 'big guy' we are all built the same (points to the throat and the eyes)"
I do think it is unfair that the cops couldn't do anything but file a report because I didn't have any visible injuries...it's also unfair that if he had swung at me and I hit him in defense I would being going to jail as well.
Afterward the club owner hooked us up with an AMAZING meal at the restaurant next door to the club and a really spectacular glass of pinot. Despite that asshole I made sales and am going to be eating well for the next week or so. I am looking forward to thanksgiving with friends, I miss my family, I feel like mom dying has brought us all closer together, but it might be good to have a foreign thanksgiving experience, it makes it just far removed enough from my own experiences that maybe mom not being there wont devastate me as much as it would if I were home.
More adventures to come I'm sure.
I love you all
KH-
Tuesday night I performed my scene at open mic night. I recorded it and put it on youtube. It went well, I got the usual rush one gets when performing in front of an audience. When I'm up there it feels like living art, it feels like I am orchestrating emotions and pulling back and pushing forward always walking the line of just the right inflection and emotion but not over the top and not too dull.
To be honest, performing in front of a crowd and grabbing the audience, to me, is pretty much exactly like seducing a woman. You open up and are genuine because if you aren't they will see it, but you don't open too much because you don't want to put them off, you make the audience laugh, you set the tone a little lower and when it starts to get too intense you break the tension again. You take them on a roller coaster and when you are done they have fallen in love.
Now I'm not saying that the crowd fell in love with me but performing feels a lot like that. After me Jessica and Stephie got some pizza and a guy who was at the open mic came up to me and complimented my work. It is one of the most gratifying feelings in the world and it is why I'm okay with having my name never remembered and my face never known...because as long as I can do this, perform, possibly making a living from it, than I will be happy.
Wed I started selling comedy tickets again. Wed and Thur was business as usual in the comedy ticket game, I sold nothing. I was also having a hard time talking to people, I'd lost my confidence. I don't know what happened on Friday though because as soon as the 7 o clock rush hit I was on fire. I didn't sell as many as my manager but I did sell the most tickets on my team. So with the help of 2 dear dear friends who sent me a donation via this blog (thank you again Robert and Travis) and a little salesmanship I am pulled out of the fire at the very last minute once again. I went from having .50c in my pocket to having just enough to pay rent, my phone, my metro card and food.
On Friday I had my last call back for Jekyll and Hyde. It didn't go as well as I would have liked. I was nervous and it through off my improve game and my voices. They only need a few people and I know at least 2 who are much more talented than I am in those areas that I am certain got the job. I probably wont get it but hey, that's good for me. It keeps me humble, reminds me that I need to and will get better. It reminds me that no matter how natural I think my talent may be everyone needs training to become the best. So my next step at some point is to get an acting coach or enroll in a workshop.
Now for the interesting part. Last night I was threatened and almost jumped. Here is the story. There is a rival promotions team on our same block and they are all bat shit insane. This one blond woman (I use the term woman very loosely here) asked me and my friend mike to move from our spots the other day. We politely said you have to speak with our boss about that.
Last night she decides to stand right in front of me and pitch so I can't. She also interrupts me and starts pitching people I am already speaking with. I got a little smart with her here and there, nothing serious though. After she stepped into my pitch she started pitching a different couple (by the way if you don't know pitching is just talking to people interested in buying) and when she is done I say "See how I didn't step into your pitch just then...that's how professionals act."
So I start talking to a group of four ( I can't say how much I make but I can tell you selling to a group of four is the kind of thing that buys your groceries) and they say they are interested but they want to make sure the club is legit. I say of course and begin to walk them to the end of the block to set up a reservation. I have to walk in front of this rival club to get there and blond girl tries to steal them again.
I politely tell them that if they just come with me I can show them the line up for the show I was talking about and if they decide to come to this club instead they are more than welcome...of course none of that was heard over this cunt's shrill, glass shattering voice (sorry, but the word applies).
Than...in response to nothing...a huge Redbeard looking bastard walks into my face and starts screaming "If you ever sell on this block again I'm gonna fucking kill you". He than calls me a bunch of names that seemed more creative in Junior high, takes my hat off my head and throws it in the street, steps on it when i try to pick it up,pushes me back, trips my legs up as I am walking away and screaming threats...somebody obviously wasn't hugged enough as a child...or maybe too much? Maybe he wasn't breast fed and is still bitter, maybe he was a child of a C section and feels robbed of the journey through the birthing canal...maybe Father Flarity requested a bit too much out of his penance...whatever the case this man has issues.
Now some things you should know, this man is out of his mind and built...and irish...so I would have probably lost this fight had I perpetuated it...but I REALLY wanted to make him remember my name at the very least. I didn't because I didn't feel like getting hit in the face and because I didn't feel like going to jail. Just so you know however I didn't just stand there and take it passively. I told him to move and than I screamed back in his face "Get the fuck out of my way!" and so on and on forth...but I wasn't about to raise a hand to this man no matter how badly he needed the beating.
I walked up to my manager...fists clenched, hands shaking, breath heavy...it takes me a moment to get the words out. ".....that....that....that FUCKING MICK just pushed me and threatened me" I tell my manager the story.
He tells me to sit down, I roll a cigarette (barely, my hands where shaking so badly) I take a drink of water and I calm down. The owner of the club comes out and says that we are going to file a report. We file a report with the police.
Here is why I am not nervous about the future, if the cops don't handle it my bosses will...lets just say they have friends in low places and leave it at that.
I am a little nervous and I think I may have to invest in some kind of protective measure just because I was really shook up...I was pissed...and shook up. I'm a vegetarian for Christ's sake I don't like solving anything with violence, I'm too damn smart to have to throw down. But I am also not worried about my ability to defend myself, my dad taught me the essentials to self defense and he said pretty much the same thing my friend Derek said. "there is no such thing as a 'big guy' we are all built the same (points to the throat and the eyes)"
I do think it is unfair that the cops couldn't do anything but file a report because I didn't have any visible injuries...it's also unfair that if he had swung at me and I hit him in defense I would being going to jail as well.
Afterward the club owner hooked us up with an AMAZING meal at the restaurant next door to the club and a really spectacular glass of pinot. Despite that asshole I made sales and am going to be eating well for the next week or so. I am looking forward to thanksgiving with friends, I miss my family, I feel like mom dying has brought us all closer together, but it might be good to have a foreign thanksgiving experience, it makes it just far removed enough from my own experiences that maybe mom not being there wont devastate me as much as it would if I were home.
More adventures to come I'm sure.
I love you all
KH-
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
New York (Day 71-72) "Back In The Saddle"
Nothing too terribly interesting happened Sunday, just keeping Lindsey company in an empty bar so I'll skip to the somewhat interesting bits.
Yesterday I felt a lot more like my old self than I have in a while. I was busy all day, I haven't been motivated enough to stay as busy as I have been in the past and it felt nice being forced to get out.
I went to the call back for the Jekyl and Hyde club. Really it was more like an orientation disguised as a call back. I was educated as to the history of all the animatronics puppets land there voices. I was shown how to operate them and was tested on it a bit. It was really interesting. Working there is kind of like being part performer part conductor, I felt like the Wizard Of Oz behind his curtain in that control booth.
I discovered I am not nearly as good at voices as I used to be but I think I'm just out of practice. The director gave me a disc of all the characters voices so I could work on it and scheduled me for one last call back on Friday.
When I left I was starving and decided to use my last 4 dollars of food money (till today) on my Brooklyn Bagel. I was on 56th st and the Bagel shop is on 25th but I hadn't walked around the city in a while and kind of wanted to earn my food, so I walked the 31 blocks for my bagel.
I don't know if it was because I kind of like overcast, or if it was the christmas lights that were scattered around different stores or if it was just that I hadn't walked around the city much since I had gotten back but everything I looked at seemed intensely beautiful for some reason.
Walking down 6th street the way the buildings looked, the steam coming out of vent shafts on construction sites, the way the streets looked in the overcast light, how everything is built, like God had a conversation with man about how both our creations could compliment each other in just the right way, it was all gorgeous. half way to the bagel place I just remembered that I'm meant to be here...this is where I belong.
My bagel was blissful as usual and it was about time for me to be getting to my friends Amanda and Lauren's production. They where in a variety show called "Barely Dressed" and it was pretty fantastic if I do say so myself. It is also the first show (not counting comedy shows) I've seen in New York.
While I was sitting there before it all started I just thought, this is just here...this small theatre and dozens like it are just here...housing talent...show casing the arts, giving me something better than the movies...and it is all just here like nothing is special about it.
On a Monday night in Belvidere I would be doing, probably nothing. But in New York...well you get the point. After the show it was off to the Nightmare cast party. I missed open bar because of the show but several people found it necessary, so after about 4 margaritas and a beer I was having myself a grand time.
Loud singing, booze, dollar pizza and dear dear friends...it was one of the best nights I've had since I have been back, and I really owe it entirely to the Nightmare crew. The director of Nightmare, John, got me the audition at Jekyl, Amanda and Lauren invited me to this show and the rest of the night was with the entire cast and crew. So once again, thank all of you, I don't know what I'm going to do without that haunted house.
Wed I start selling comedy tickets again and I'm looking for more work right now. I don't know what's going to happen at the end of the month, if anyone needs a roommate let me know, but I do know I will figure it out.
Tonight I'm getting up for open mic night and enjoying the company of a couple friends who are the reason for me coming here, Lindsey and Jessica, I needed this week, I really did.
I love you all
KH-
Yesterday I felt a lot more like my old self than I have in a while. I was busy all day, I haven't been motivated enough to stay as busy as I have been in the past and it felt nice being forced to get out.
I went to the call back for the Jekyl and Hyde club. Really it was more like an orientation disguised as a call back. I was educated as to the history of all the animatronics puppets land there voices. I was shown how to operate them and was tested on it a bit. It was really interesting. Working there is kind of like being part performer part conductor, I felt like the Wizard Of Oz behind his curtain in that control booth.
I discovered I am not nearly as good at voices as I used to be but I think I'm just out of practice. The director gave me a disc of all the characters voices so I could work on it and scheduled me for one last call back on Friday.
When I left I was starving and decided to use my last 4 dollars of food money (till today) on my Brooklyn Bagel. I was on 56th st and the Bagel shop is on 25th but I hadn't walked around the city in a while and kind of wanted to earn my food, so I walked the 31 blocks for my bagel.
I don't know if it was because I kind of like overcast, or if it was the christmas lights that were scattered around different stores or if it was just that I hadn't walked around the city much since I had gotten back but everything I looked at seemed intensely beautiful for some reason.
Walking down 6th street the way the buildings looked, the steam coming out of vent shafts on construction sites, the way the streets looked in the overcast light, how everything is built, like God had a conversation with man about how both our creations could compliment each other in just the right way, it was all gorgeous. half way to the bagel place I just remembered that I'm meant to be here...this is where I belong.
My bagel was blissful as usual and it was about time for me to be getting to my friends Amanda and Lauren's production. They where in a variety show called "Barely Dressed" and it was pretty fantastic if I do say so myself. It is also the first show (not counting comedy shows) I've seen in New York.
While I was sitting there before it all started I just thought, this is just here...this small theatre and dozens like it are just here...housing talent...show casing the arts, giving me something better than the movies...and it is all just here like nothing is special about it.
On a Monday night in Belvidere I would be doing, probably nothing. But in New York...well you get the point. After the show it was off to the Nightmare cast party. I missed open bar because of the show but several people found it necessary, so after about 4 margaritas and a beer I was having myself a grand time.
Loud singing, booze, dollar pizza and dear dear friends...it was one of the best nights I've had since I have been back, and I really owe it entirely to the Nightmare crew. The director of Nightmare, John, got me the audition at Jekyl, Amanda and Lauren invited me to this show and the rest of the night was with the entire cast and crew. So once again, thank all of you, I don't know what I'm going to do without that haunted house.
Wed I start selling comedy tickets again and I'm looking for more work right now. I don't know what's going to happen at the end of the month, if anyone needs a roommate let me know, but I do know I will figure it out.
Tonight I'm getting up for open mic night and enjoying the company of a couple friends who are the reason for me coming here, Lindsey and Jessica, I needed this week, I really did.
I love you all
KH-
Sunday, November 14, 2010
New York (Day 66-70) "The Notes Change But The Song Remains The Same"
A lot keeps happening I just don't have the energy to keep the updates coming daily so by the time I get around to it I have a mountain information to convey, so I apologize for that...not saying it'll change just letting you know I'm aware of the flaw in my format.
I guess the first bit of news is that on Monday I have my call back for Jekyll and Hyde. I might have told you that already but what I didn't say is that I found out the call back is really just an excuse to find out if I'm an asshole to work with and that I basically have the job. an hourly wage in order to act...it's not Broadway but it's a job and it is something I'm going to enjoy.
Last Tuesday I went to the open mic night I heard about at the Jekyll and Hyde audition. Penny's Open Mic is in a small theater that is literally underneath St Marks Place (a street in the east village) and the theater is called poignantly "Under St. Marks". It is a safe place filled with art enthusiasts and artists that people can come to and work shop there material.
I saw brilliant comedians, moving musicians, dynamic story tellers and a few acts I'm not sure how to categorize. I didn't perform but I plan to next week. The people at this place where really amazing to hang around. Think of all of your outgoing funny and chill friends getting together every Tuesday to put on a show with 4 dollar tall boys and you have pretty much what I experienced on Tuesday.
After the show (which ended at around 4 because they go until everyone who wants to perform does) I joined a few people for breakfast and enjoyed a really great conversation.
I also discovered something amazing. a block away from my house is a deli. These delis are all over the city on almost every other corner, they are not what you would think of a deli they are a deli/ convenience store. I was walking home at 5 in the morning and went in to buy some crackers to eat when I realized that this deli served sandwiches.
I ordered an egg and cheese on a hero and watched a man clean is flat iron grill, crack two eggs, beat the eggs, fry them up, melt the cheese and put it on the toasted bread...it was amazing and it wasn't gross processed nonsense from Mcdonalds and I am now addicted.
Last night was the last night at the Nightmare house. If you go to a haunted house go the last night. This night was epic we destroyed minds and came dangerously close to something that could be considered illegal. It was epic and I think I may have made a woman have a mental break.
Drinks came after the show and we went out with a bang. I am going to miss this family. The Nightmare House was there for me in my darkest hour, they were family when that is all I needed, and they are some of the greatest people you could hope to meet in the big apple. I am so happy that the bulk of my New York experience thus far has been that house. If you are going to build a network of people who care about you and who you care about working at that house was probably the best thing I could have done.
I am in a transition period but what else is new? It seems like I have been transitioning for the past 2 years and I guess that is what my 20s is about but it is so exhausting.
The emotional trauma of mom dying is effecting my personal relationships and is making me doubt every step I make. I am about to transition jobs again, I am trying to find a new place to live in before I get kicked out of this one...I need quiet the problem is that isn't in the cards for me.
Perhaps quiet isn't what I need seeing as quiet doesn't seem an option...we do what we have to do to get by and that is where I am today. Today I am going to get the second care package my mom sent and try and spend the rest of the day having fun.
Wish me luck.
I love you all
KH-
I guess the first bit of news is that on Monday I have my call back for Jekyll and Hyde. I might have told you that already but what I didn't say is that I found out the call back is really just an excuse to find out if I'm an asshole to work with and that I basically have the job. an hourly wage in order to act...it's not Broadway but it's a job and it is something I'm going to enjoy.
Last Tuesday I went to the open mic night I heard about at the Jekyll and Hyde audition. Penny's Open Mic is in a small theater that is literally underneath St Marks Place (a street in the east village) and the theater is called poignantly "Under St. Marks". It is a safe place filled with art enthusiasts and artists that people can come to and work shop there material.
I saw brilliant comedians, moving musicians, dynamic story tellers and a few acts I'm not sure how to categorize. I didn't perform but I plan to next week. The people at this place where really amazing to hang around. Think of all of your outgoing funny and chill friends getting together every Tuesday to put on a show with 4 dollar tall boys and you have pretty much what I experienced on Tuesday.
After the show (which ended at around 4 because they go until everyone who wants to perform does) I joined a few people for breakfast and enjoyed a really great conversation.
I also discovered something amazing. a block away from my house is a deli. These delis are all over the city on almost every other corner, they are not what you would think of a deli they are a deli/ convenience store. I was walking home at 5 in the morning and went in to buy some crackers to eat when I realized that this deli served sandwiches.
I ordered an egg and cheese on a hero and watched a man clean is flat iron grill, crack two eggs, beat the eggs, fry them up, melt the cheese and put it on the toasted bread...it was amazing and it wasn't gross processed nonsense from Mcdonalds and I am now addicted.
Last night was the last night at the Nightmare house. If you go to a haunted house go the last night. This night was epic we destroyed minds and came dangerously close to something that could be considered illegal. It was epic and I think I may have made a woman have a mental break.
Drinks came after the show and we went out with a bang. I am going to miss this family. The Nightmare House was there for me in my darkest hour, they were family when that is all I needed, and they are some of the greatest people you could hope to meet in the big apple. I am so happy that the bulk of my New York experience thus far has been that house. If you are going to build a network of people who care about you and who you care about working at that house was probably the best thing I could have done.
I am in a transition period but what else is new? It seems like I have been transitioning for the past 2 years and I guess that is what my 20s is about but it is so exhausting.
The emotional trauma of mom dying is effecting my personal relationships and is making me doubt every step I make. I am about to transition jobs again, I am trying to find a new place to live in before I get kicked out of this one...I need quiet the problem is that isn't in the cards for me.
Perhaps quiet isn't what I need seeing as quiet doesn't seem an option...we do what we have to do to get by and that is where I am today. Today I am going to get the second care package my mom sent and try and spend the rest of the day having fun.
Wish me luck.
I love you all
KH-
Monday, November 8, 2010
New York (Day 59-65) "Tiny Moments Of Nirvana"
It's been a week? really? since I last updated you? Insane. My silence isn't due to being too busy or anything profound I just haven't had the drive, also not a lot of interesting things happened. The only days worth mentioning where today and yesterday.
Yesterday was filled with small moments of nirvana that I held on to for all they were worth. Sometimes you need to take the little moments that don't matter but still make you smile and revel in them.
I woke up crying, as has been my routine for the past month. I figured it was going to be another day of acting like I'm okay in the hopes that at some point the lie will become my truth. I made a decision after my shower...I was going to get my goddamn bagel.
When I moved here Jessica introduced me to the Brooklyn Bagel and Coffee Company and there bagels where my breakfast for two weeks strait. I loved these bagels, they allowed me a moment to get collect myself and enjoy a filling flavorful breakfast at the same time. I have been depressed for an entire month and hadn't had a bagel from this place in longer...it was time...for my...goddamn...bagel.
I walked into the shop with a mission. "An everything toasted with low fat veggie" I said with conviction and purpose. I sat down with my bagel, bit in to that little bit of heaven, tasted that low fat veggie cream cheese and let the world fall away.
Than I was walking down the street and I passed a pizza shop and thought "you know what, I'm getting a slice of New York Pizza and walking to my station because that makes me smile and I fucking can." So that is what I did.
When I got to work Ihad a lot of time and made another decision. I hate Top tobacco but I have been smoking it because Travis was kind enough to buy some for me. I decided that I was going to buy myself a pouch of my brand, drum tobacco. I sat on the stoop of my work place and rolled that cigarette to perfection and lit it with one match and enjoyed.
In that moment I had the goofiest look on my face, I chose not to worry about anything and experienced the contentment of a child for just a few moments. Those moments where real and they where precious.
After work I enjoyed a glass of wine and a hookah session with friends and the night was complete. I spent some money I will regret spending later but I spent it on moments of happiness and it was totally worth it.
Today I had an audition for The Jekyll and Hyde club. I was nervous I thought I didn't do that well but I got a call back already. So monday I find out if I have another acting gig. In the process of auditioning I made some new friends. The past two days have been filled with pleasant surprises and I truly hope they keep coming.
I love you all
KH-
Yesterday was filled with small moments of nirvana that I held on to for all they were worth. Sometimes you need to take the little moments that don't matter but still make you smile and revel in them.
I woke up crying, as has been my routine for the past month. I figured it was going to be another day of acting like I'm okay in the hopes that at some point the lie will become my truth. I made a decision after my shower...I was going to get my goddamn bagel.
When I moved here Jessica introduced me to the Brooklyn Bagel and Coffee Company and there bagels where my breakfast for two weeks strait. I loved these bagels, they allowed me a moment to get collect myself and enjoy a filling flavorful breakfast at the same time. I have been depressed for an entire month and hadn't had a bagel from this place in longer...it was time...for my...goddamn...bagel.
I walked into the shop with a mission. "An everything toasted with low fat veggie" I said with conviction and purpose. I sat down with my bagel, bit in to that little bit of heaven, tasted that low fat veggie cream cheese and let the world fall away.
Than I was walking down the street and I passed a pizza shop and thought "you know what, I'm getting a slice of New York Pizza and walking to my station because that makes me smile and I fucking can." So that is what I did.
When I got to work Ihad a lot of time and made another decision. I hate Top tobacco but I have been smoking it because Travis was kind enough to buy some for me. I decided that I was going to buy myself a pouch of my brand, drum tobacco. I sat on the stoop of my work place and rolled that cigarette to perfection and lit it with one match and enjoyed.
In that moment I had the goofiest look on my face, I chose not to worry about anything and experienced the contentment of a child for just a few moments. Those moments where real and they where precious.
After work I enjoyed a glass of wine and a hookah session with friends and the night was complete. I spent some money I will regret spending later but I spent it on moments of happiness and it was totally worth it.
Today I had an audition for The Jekyll and Hyde club. I was nervous I thought I didn't do that well but I got a call back already. So monday I find out if I have another acting gig. In the process of auditioning I made some new friends. The past two days have been filled with pleasant surprises and I truly hope they keep coming.
I love you all
KH-
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Surivivng New York Part 1, Subways
Over the past couple months this blog has gained a lot of popularity among the people I know and love. I have discovered that there are a lot more of you than I realized. I feel however, that my story is one that is gaining traction in circles of people I don't really know that well. Which leads me to believe that this blog has much more potential now than I ever gave it credit for.
That being said I am going to take breaks from updates from time to time to write things that are more universally entertaining but still pertinent to the topic at hand. I'm just going to come right out and say it, I'm hoping this will make the blog more popular and as a result make it more profitable. You have to work every angle right?
That being said I now bring you the first installment of,
Surviving New York: Part 1, Subways
There are certain essentials about this city that when asked about is usually met with a tepid response of "you'll figure it out." The truth is that most of the time you really will figure it out on your own but if you are anything like my girlfriend this answer is unacceptable.
The subways is a perfect example of this. For someone who has never lived in a city any where near as big as New York one of the most intimidating aspects is travel. How does one get around a city as big as New York without breaking the bank...especially when you don't know where anything is?
So here are my answers to the questions I had when I got here.
Are subways really all that necessary? Why not take a cab where you need to go and walk?
Yes, they are essential. Cabs are incredibly expensive if taken all the time. It costs you 2.50 just to get in the cab, Also this city is so big that you will end up spending at least 10 dollars to get where you need to go. That doesn't sound like a lot but it adds up. Also, that bottom line gets jacked sky high when you start dealing with traffic. Traffic is also the reason why I don't consider buses as an option. Sometimes you'll be forced to take one (even though I have never been) if you are going to a part of the city that is a bit out of the way but for the most part they are not as reliably fast as Subways are.
And don't even think about bringing your car here. New York traffic will slowly drive you out of your mind, and your wallet. Parking is insane and expensive and so is gas. New York has one of the greatest public transit system in the country, you do not need a car, it's that simple.
How expensive is the Subway?
It costs about 2.75 to get through the turn style. You have to buy a Metro card and you have a few options here. If you plan on going all around the city on a daily basis than don't even bother putting money on a metro card you have to buy yourself an unlimited metro card.
You can by a 24 hr pass for just over 7 dollars, which is a steal if you are job hunting for a day or if you happen to be in the city site seeing for a day. A week costs 27 dollars, and a month costs 89. When you do the math more often than not it is more economical to get an unlimited ride even if you are just visiting for a week.
How hard is it to navigate?
It is really intimidating the first week or so but eventually you get used to it. My advice, get a subway map and if you learn the subway maps and learn what trains connect to each other you can get anywhere. Let me give you an example of what I mean.
I live way uptown on 163rd and I work way downtown in SoHo (Which means south of Houston street). The trains closest to me are the A train the C train and the 1 train. Non of them go directly to the stop closest to my job. So what I do is I take the A (which is an express train) till I get to a stop that allows me to transfer to the train that does go where I am going.
Now this all sounds complicated but it really is one of those things that once you start doing it it becomes second nature. It is kind of like learning to drive a car all over again. At first its confusing and scary and intimidating but eventually it becomes instincts.
Are they dangerous at night?
Only to your sanity. Trains run much slower at night so if you find yourself needing to go somewhere past 12 AM than get ready for a long wait. This is the only time (if I have the money) I will take a cab.
I have never had a problem, other than being tired and annoyed, on the subway at night however I am a very large man. Just make sure to take the same precautions you should be taking anyway and you'll be fine. Get some mace, or a small weapon of some kind but really the subway at night is relatively harmless.
How do I know which subway is the fastest route to my destination?
Google maps has a button that looks like a train, if you click that it will give you the exact subway route you need. This mixed with a subway map and you will be golden. Subway maps are free upon request, there is a metro attendant in every metro station, just ask the person behind the glass for a map and they will hand one over.
My last tip for subway survival is this, use your eyes. There are posters put up all over the station that let you know if there are service changes which is something that is good to be aware of but more important than that there are huge signs hanging over every stairwell and hallway telling you which train you are headed towards.
My second week here (which was my first week without my NYC guide Jessica) I figured the subways out just by paying attention to the signs outside and inside the subway stations. You would be surprised how quickly you pick up how to navigate the subways if you just remember to pay attention to which train is going up town and which is going downtown.
You will get lost, you will get on the wrong train, you will take an uptown when you need to take a downtown, you will get confused, the sooner you stop thinking these things are the end of the world the easier you will be able to navigate around the city. Everyone gets lost and you are no exception just remember that trial and error is the best education you could ask for.
I love you all
Make sure to tell me what you think of this latest addition to the blog and if you would be interested in reading more articles like it. Also if you have suggestions on what you would like to learn about surviving the Big Apple let me know.
KH-
That being said I am going to take breaks from updates from time to time to write things that are more universally entertaining but still pertinent to the topic at hand. I'm just going to come right out and say it, I'm hoping this will make the blog more popular and as a result make it more profitable. You have to work every angle right?
That being said I now bring you the first installment of,
Surviving New York: Part 1, Subways
There are certain essentials about this city that when asked about is usually met with a tepid response of "you'll figure it out." The truth is that most of the time you really will figure it out on your own but if you are anything like my girlfriend this answer is unacceptable.
The subways is a perfect example of this. For someone who has never lived in a city any where near as big as New York one of the most intimidating aspects is travel. How does one get around a city as big as New York without breaking the bank...especially when you don't know where anything is?
So here are my answers to the questions I had when I got here.
Are subways really all that necessary? Why not take a cab where you need to go and walk?
Yes, they are essential. Cabs are incredibly expensive if taken all the time. It costs you 2.50 just to get in the cab, Also this city is so big that you will end up spending at least 10 dollars to get where you need to go. That doesn't sound like a lot but it adds up. Also, that bottom line gets jacked sky high when you start dealing with traffic. Traffic is also the reason why I don't consider buses as an option. Sometimes you'll be forced to take one (even though I have never been) if you are going to a part of the city that is a bit out of the way but for the most part they are not as reliably fast as Subways are.
And don't even think about bringing your car here. New York traffic will slowly drive you out of your mind, and your wallet. Parking is insane and expensive and so is gas. New York has one of the greatest public transit system in the country, you do not need a car, it's that simple.
How expensive is the Subway?
It costs about 2.75 to get through the turn style. You have to buy a Metro card and you have a few options here. If you plan on going all around the city on a daily basis than don't even bother putting money on a metro card you have to buy yourself an unlimited metro card.
You can by a 24 hr pass for just over 7 dollars, which is a steal if you are job hunting for a day or if you happen to be in the city site seeing for a day. A week costs 27 dollars, and a month costs 89. When you do the math more often than not it is more economical to get an unlimited ride even if you are just visiting for a week.
How hard is it to navigate?
It is really intimidating the first week or so but eventually you get used to it. My advice, get a subway map and if you learn the subway maps and learn what trains connect to each other you can get anywhere. Let me give you an example of what I mean.
I live way uptown on 163rd and I work way downtown in SoHo (Which means south of Houston street). The trains closest to me are the A train the C train and the 1 train. Non of them go directly to the stop closest to my job. So what I do is I take the A (which is an express train) till I get to a stop that allows me to transfer to the train that does go where I am going.
Now this all sounds complicated but it really is one of those things that once you start doing it it becomes second nature. It is kind of like learning to drive a car all over again. At first its confusing and scary and intimidating but eventually it becomes instincts.
Are they dangerous at night?
Only to your sanity. Trains run much slower at night so if you find yourself needing to go somewhere past 12 AM than get ready for a long wait. This is the only time (if I have the money) I will take a cab.
I have never had a problem, other than being tired and annoyed, on the subway at night however I am a very large man. Just make sure to take the same precautions you should be taking anyway and you'll be fine. Get some mace, or a small weapon of some kind but really the subway at night is relatively harmless.
How do I know which subway is the fastest route to my destination?
Google maps has a button that looks like a train, if you click that it will give you the exact subway route you need. This mixed with a subway map and you will be golden. Subway maps are free upon request, there is a metro attendant in every metro station, just ask the person behind the glass for a map and they will hand one over.
My last tip for subway survival is this, use your eyes. There are posters put up all over the station that let you know if there are service changes which is something that is good to be aware of but more important than that there are huge signs hanging over every stairwell and hallway telling you which train you are headed towards.
My second week here (which was my first week without my NYC guide Jessica) I figured the subways out just by paying attention to the signs outside and inside the subway stations. You would be surprised how quickly you pick up how to navigate the subways if you just remember to pay attention to which train is going up town and which is going downtown.
You will get lost, you will get on the wrong train, you will take an uptown when you need to take a downtown, you will get confused, the sooner you stop thinking these things are the end of the world the easier you will be able to navigate around the city. Everyone gets lost and you are no exception just remember that trial and error is the best education you could ask for.
I love you all
Make sure to tell me what you think of this latest addition to the blog and if you would be interested in reading more articles like it. Also if you have suggestions on what you would like to learn about surviving the Big Apple let me know.
KH-
Monday, November 1, 2010
New York (Day 54-58) "Learning To Breath (Faking It Till I Make It)"
The last few days have been a blur but I'll try and keep this as chronological as I can. A few days ago I went to see Jessica, she had just gotten back into town and wanted to buy me lunch (thank you again Jessica). She was also holding on to one of the care packages my mom sent...we don't know where the other one is sadly. She brought it out and, you guessed it, I lost it.
I opened the box with my mother's handwriting on it and see a box of Fiber One...of course. I laughed to myself and thought "I love you mom". All of my movies where in a cd case and she gave me a long sleeved shirt and and MP3 player.
She was always looking out for me...
I was obviously beside myself at this point really debating going into work at all. Jessica did a cleansing of me with some sage (which had a very calming effect I don't care what you say I dig that kind of thing) and I took a few more minutes before I went in to work.
I spent about an hour in my rabbit room before I started violently weeping. I realized in hind sight one of the reasons this room is so hard for me to be in now is because of how proud mom was of me for getting this role. John came in and got someone to switch places with me while I calmed down in the break room.
Once again the cast and crew of the Nightmare house treat me like family. I spent a couple hours crying and talking than went through the house as a customer once I had calmed down. It gave me a few laughs and surprisingly, because i knew everyone i didn't expect it, a few scares. After that John offered me another less stressful room. I put on the black shirt mom sent me and a silicone mask and went to work jumping out at people which was really fun actually.
The next three days are a blur of work, work and more work. 12-13 hr days of scaring the piss out of people. I was accidently hit in the face more times than I can remember, I made a few people fall on there ass in fear, I was hit on by drunken Halloween sluts and I barely slept or ate.
The break neck pace and the fact that I was moved really helped me take my mind off of things. The truth is that what people see now is a total act. It is me putting on a face for the comfort of those around me. I am falling apart inside, feeling like I'm on the brink, but if I show that all the time people don't know how to deal with that.
However, I've learned that if you act like something long enough than for brief moments that grow longer with time, you start to become that. If I act like I'm okay eventually I might be.
Last night the entire house followed and terrorized the last group to go through and than we partied in the break room. I got clown make up put on me by Andrew, I put Chris on my shoulders I sang with Cat I laughed with Amanda, posed for Stovetop, I ate cupcakes with Crystal, I shared stories and I drank with everyone and I realized that this is exactly what I needed.
I was worried about not having a support system in NYC but that worry turned out to be groundless. I don't know if these bonds will remain for long after we wrap up production but I do know that they where there and very real in a time when I needed them most and that is really what matters.
I have no money again, little to no food, I'm living day to day again and I am...again...okay with all of that. Mom made me strong, it took her dying to make me see just how strong. I will never not be a broken boy who needs his mother but at least now I know that I can survive that way.
The road to healing is no where near over but at least I am accepting the things I can't change. After I am done with nightmare I am going to look for more acting work but I am also going to find a more steady source of income other than the sales job. I need some stability right now...a little hush would suit me nicely right about now.
Today I made a new friend, Holly, who is an actor/producer/writer who said she would throw me some PA work if she could. So know that when I say I'm off to find a strait job that doesn't mean I'm putting my dream down. I'm still actively pursuing it I'm just going to find a less stressful way of going about it.
I love you all
KH-
I opened the box with my mother's handwriting on it and see a box of Fiber One...of course. I laughed to myself and thought "I love you mom". All of my movies where in a cd case and she gave me a long sleeved shirt and and MP3 player.
She was always looking out for me...
I was obviously beside myself at this point really debating going into work at all. Jessica did a cleansing of me with some sage (which had a very calming effect I don't care what you say I dig that kind of thing) and I took a few more minutes before I went in to work.
I spent about an hour in my rabbit room before I started violently weeping. I realized in hind sight one of the reasons this room is so hard for me to be in now is because of how proud mom was of me for getting this role. John came in and got someone to switch places with me while I calmed down in the break room.
Once again the cast and crew of the Nightmare house treat me like family. I spent a couple hours crying and talking than went through the house as a customer once I had calmed down. It gave me a few laughs and surprisingly, because i knew everyone i didn't expect it, a few scares. After that John offered me another less stressful room. I put on the black shirt mom sent me and a silicone mask and went to work jumping out at people which was really fun actually.
The next three days are a blur of work, work and more work. 12-13 hr days of scaring the piss out of people. I was accidently hit in the face more times than I can remember, I made a few people fall on there ass in fear, I was hit on by drunken Halloween sluts and I barely slept or ate.
The break neck pace and the fact that I was moved really helped me take my mind off of things. The truth is that what people see now is a total act. It is me putting on a face for the comfort of those around me. I am falling apart inside, feeling like I'm on the brink, but if I show that all the time people don't know how to deal with that.
However, I've learned that if you act like something long enough than for brief moments that grow longer with time, you start to become that. If I act like I'm okay eventually I might be.
Last night the entire house followed and terrorized the last group to go through and than we partied in the break room. I got clown make up put on me by Andrew, I put Chris on my shoulders I sang with Cat I laughed with Amanda, posed for Stovetop, I ate cupcakes with Crystal, I shared stories and I drank with everyone and I realized that this is exactly what I needed.
I was worried about not having a support system in NYC but that worry turned out to be groundless. I don't know if these bonds will remain for long after we wrap up production but I do know that they where there and very real in a time when I needed them most and that is really what matters.
I have no money again, little to no food, I'm living day to day again and I am...again...okay with all of that. Mom made me strong, it took her dying to make me see just how strong. I will never not be a broken boy who needs his mother but at least now I know that I can survive that way.
The road to healing is no where near over but at least I am accepting the things I can't change. After I am done with nightmare I am going to look for more acting work but I am also going to find a more steady source of income other than the sales job. I need some stability right now...a little hush would suit me nicely right about now.
Today I made a new friend, Holly, who is an actor/producer/writer who said she would throw me some PA work if she could. So know that when I say I'm off to find a strait job that doesn't mean I'm putting my dream down. I'm still actively pursuing it I'm just going to find a less stressful way of going about it.
I love you all
KH-
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