New York Day 13/14 “You’re The Best Around”

I realize I’m going to screw up my flow by doing two days at once; one of those days isn’t even finished yet. I’m sorry but I couldn’t write day 13 and make you wait for today because day 13 was just too depressing.

Day 13 started out fairly hopeful. It was the day I was to go get security certified. I ride up a sketchy elevator, walk through a dilapidated hallway, walk through a squeaky door and am greeted by a man who has a half Brooklyn, half southern accent and seemed to speak without any discernable timing what so ever.

All his sentences just revved up like an engine and than his final point (which may very well have nothing to do with the topic he started on) will end in a slow shuffle. Ifyouwhereforcedtoreadthisman’sspeachpatternitwouldsortof look…like…thiiiis. So needless to say (but I will anyway) he wasn’t the best of teachers. Luckily most of security work is common sense which I have plenty of so I aced the test. I spent 80 dollars because apparently I was mislead…you can take the class for 25 but it doesn’t do you any good unless you also purchase the license, that isn’t issued with the 25 dollar class. I also have to pay a 35 dollar processing fee. I also had to have my mom overnight me my birth certificate so I can get a NY state ID for some reason, it’s all very complicated but I did leave the class with a completion certificate.

Not moments after I got done with that class I marched over to Dave’s Tavern and asked to speak to Dave. Apparently the guy I saw on Friday was not Dave, Dave hangs out in the basement taking care of the bills. He was classic Hell’s Kitchen mixed with your sweet old Grandpa. “So what makes you think you can be a bouncer…ya big enough.” He says to me. I throw on my Hoskins charm, I smile and say “Yes sir, sure am and I also bounced for a year at a small town bar.” “Oh yeah where ya from?” “Illinois, bout 2 hours from Chicago.” I than described my duties there and made small talk being as nice and genuine as I could. Dave warmed up to me and looked up at Charlie (the man I originally mistook for Dave) and said “Hey Charlie I like this kid, maybe we can use him tonight show him the ropes.” This is of course under the condition that sooner rather than later I get all my certification sent to the state so I’m all legal and what not.

I left with a swell of pride and excitement, with a healthy dose of fear because I didn’t really do that much at Buchannan street pub. I still however was confused at all I had to do to get my certification legitimized, I was also discouraged and not finding another job that could probably pay more. Dave didn’t call that night and I went to sleep in a cold sweat of panic I woke up much the same way.

There was no speaking of my troubles today, if I verbalized them I would give them power and if they had any more power I would be crushed. Instead I got a list of 7 temp agencies, I figured with the modes of transport open to me that would take me most the day. The first temp agency didn’t exist anymore. The second temp agency was impressed with my experience and manner (one of articulate charisma and confidence not to blow my own horn but in an interview I’m pretty bad ass) and offered me a position. They told me to come in at 2pm tomorrow.

Shortly after I left there however Dave called back. “Can you be at the bar around 4 that’s when I wanna start you.” “Sure Dave not a problem.” Well this is a good thing and a bad thing…This is a nice guy if the temp agency is a better gig I’m going to have to piss this guy off…but hey he is offering me money in hand.

I go to Dave’s Tavern at 4 and Dave hands me a tiny flashlight and explains how important it is for me to check ID’s and offers little nuggets of bouncing wisdom here and there. When I finally settle I realize that Dave’s Tavern is seriously just like Buchannan Street Pub. They have the same kind of regulars, a little better music but it really is just a small town bar in a small neighborhood in a big city, which made me much less nervous. I did however get to see a fight outside the bar that wasn’t broken up by the cops which is something that doesn’t happen a lot in Belvidere…but hey it was outside my bar so it wasn’t really my problem. Also both the guys involved I could have easily subdued so once again my fears of the neighborhood peaked and then faded quickly. Also the other guy had it coming…he was kind of an ass so there is that.

Dave than walked me around the corner to his other bar “Port 41.” He wanted me to alternate doors every 20 minutes. Port 41 is interesting if for no other reason than it says it’s a bikini bar and it is literally a bar with bartenders who happen to be in bikinis. In Rockford bikini bar means “lame strip club” but apparently in New York sometimes what you see is exactly what you get.

I realized something after working at these places for five hours. People, no matter where you go, no matter the time, the age or the class, are just people, and people generally are the same wherever you go. Dave’s has the same drunk who is on his third beer at 4 o clock in the afternoon, the old man who practically lives there, the bar fly who is probably doing coke in the bathroom, the sweet girl who used to work there and now likes to visit now and again, the annoying drunk guy who thinks he is your best friend. Really a big city is just a bunch of small towns stacked next to each other separated only by a block or two.

Dave also offered me a cheap apartment in Jersey so it sounds like by the end of this week or next I will be on my own officially. I ended yesterday a mess, ready to scream out of panic and worry, letting my mind come up with the worst possible scenarios and I am ending the day with a pretty good handle on how I’m going to survive this.

New York you came through again.

KH-

New York Day 12 “Under Pressure”

I wish I could type here that I was involved in some wild evening or some kind of uniquely New York adventure but that wasn’t the case today. Today was a blind panic of craigslist hunting and praying for opportunity. I was in my head all day freaking out, visions of living on the street tired and hungry, I went out to get a bite to eat and walked past a guy sleeping in a door jam and it sent a shiver up my spine.

That wouldn’t happen of course, because I have family who love me so I would just end up back in Rockford. But stepping off the plane in O’Hare with no more than I left with, head hung in shame at my failed endeavors, having to face all the people I said good bye to with empty hands and an empty heart…the door jam is starting to sound a lot cozier.

I just have to hope and pray that I get a job which shouldn’t be too terribly difficult. I have security certification class tomorrow and a possible bouncing job after that, it isn’t much but it’s a start and I have to hope that I can wrangle something that can get me into an apartment sooner rather than later. I am welcome in the space I am occupying but I don’t want to take advantage.

My goal is I am out of here or at least have arrangements to be out of here by the end of the week…I want to be on my own and if I can’t do this, if I can’t accomplish something as simple as renting an apartment and getting a job to sustain that apartment than I might as well give up the acting dream all together….or becoming any kind of useful member of society for that matter.

There is an internal monologue going inside me every second of every day that I am holding on to for dear life. “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.” And god damn it I can I just have to man up and do it and trust that the leap I made by coming here will continue to prove its self the right move.

Spoiler: I am writing this on day 13 and things do take a positive turn I just don’t want to mess with the flow of this blog so look forward to good news tomorrow.

New York Day 11 “Castles Made Of Sand”

Today was Rockaway Beach day. Once again I was introduced to some new people, two lovely Brits named Emily and Flow and I got to know Lauren’s boyfriend a bit more which was great because he is a pretty awesome dude.

This was my first time seeing the Atlantic and the second time ever seeing an ocean. The symbolism of this moment blew my mind. Here I am at the dawn of my new life standing at the edge of an ocean when only 2 years ago I was at the dawn of a different new life standing at the edge of a different ocean. The poetry of the moment couldn’t be let go so I scribbled this down.

“One ocean land marking each of the two biggest moments in my life, looking back at who I was its like remembering a different person, like my memory is a story told by a dear friend. I was a newlywed at the Pacific I was happy and at the start of the life I had been planning for since I was 17 years old. A life I now know, that was destined to fall apart in the most painful way possible in order to make way for this, my New York adventure.

I stand at the biggest reminder that we are all connected, a new man a confident man. I see myself becoming the man I always hoped I would become. I realize now my life had to shatter in order to give birth to the man I am right at this moment, that pain was birth pains, it wasn’t a destroyed world it was just a striking of a set so that a new stage could be built.

The ocean is the divine witness to my spiritual rebirth, the constant objective observer, a reminder that I am incredibly important and infinitely insignificant all at the same time.”

After my esoteric moment I did bring myself to have some care free fun in the sun…burning only half of my leg like crazy. After the beach it was off to the bodies exhibit which was fascinating but also really gross. I also heard a rumor that the bodies used in the exhibit used to be Asians slaves and didn’t actually donate there bodies to science. The website just said that they where people who died naturally and who’s bodies where unclaimed…some how this doesn’t put me at ease.

Tomorrow is a lazy day and Monday is “get me certified” day. Wish me luck because I really need to start getting some money in my pocket.

KH-

New York Day 10 “Hunting for Green September”

This was job hunt day. I walked to the “FedEx Office” printed off 20 copies of my resume, bought a binder so I didn’t have to carry 20 pieces of loose paper and started my trek to Hell’s Kitchen because I hear they have a lot of bars that would hire.

I find a bar that tells me Dave of “Dave’s Tavern” on 42^nd street might be able to help me out seeing as he owns three bars in the area. Well Dave is a long haired blue collar guy who smokes in his bar because well…it’s his bar. He tells me that for insurance purposes I need to have a security license to bounce.

This security license thing is really starting to piss me off at this point but luckily Dave points me in the direction of a place that does certification. After walking around for about an hour trying to find this place I find that for one eight hour course and 25 bucks I can get what the security companies wanted to charge me 80 dollars to get.

Long story less long I should have a security license by Monday and hopefully a job by Wednesday. I am really surprised at how high my walking tolerance is becoming. I am also surprised at how close to Time Square I am and how time square and Chelsea feel like two different worlds. Oddly enough the edge of Hell’s Kitchen is a block away from the edge of Times Square and once again they feel like two entirely different cities.

Add that to the list of reasons I love this place. Tomorrow is sun, fun, beach and the further discovery of my independence.

KH-

New York Day 9 “Dawn of The Dead”

Waking up with what feels like the plague is a great way to start your day filled with interviews. After shambling around the apartment popping cold pills and chucking back water like a drunken camel I was able to pull myself together enough to go to my first interview.

The interview was for a fundraising job for the independent party, nothing they said sounded like anything that was ever going to get done, but hey it’s a job. I took a cab to the interview and decided I would try and find my way back to the apt on foot seeing as I needed to get used to the city anyway…terrible idea.

I knew the walk from where I was to where I was going was about an hour but when you get lost it’s more like an hour and forty five minutes. I was doing fine until I got nervous and asked some asian hipster, alternative chick for directions. I got turned around and wandered aimlessly around downtown before giving up and hailing a cab. The cabbie was nice enough to inform me that had I kept going the direction I was going I would have gotten to my destination…but not for another 2 hours.

I get back to the apartment an hour before my next interview. I rest, I leave and I’m 5 minutes late. Apparently that didn’t matter because this was one of those “show up and you have the job” kind of jobs…unfortunately it was with a security company and apparently in the state of NY you need a security license to work that job…which costs 80 dollars I don’t have to get.

The 80 dollars sounds like a great investment until you consider that the pay is weak sauce compared to what I would be making at a bar, and you can’t work any other security job or bouncing job while you are working with one particular firm. I’ll take my chances with the bar scene and phone work.

I got myself some food, walked to the L, trekked through Williamsburg, met up with Lindsey and traversed the hipster scene of Brooklyn. All and all it wasn’t a terrible evening but by the end of this day I was simply exhausted. Tomorrow is more job hunting and praying the fundraiser people call me.

Wish me luck friends.

KH-

New York Day 8 “The Grindstone”

Today is the one day I experience something that is unique to no one and nothing…job hunting. I had plans on finding a way to make this activity more entertaining, but alas it was a day filled with me simply building a resume and sending it out.

There was one thing that was exciting for me exclusively; I now have an acting resume. I have all the tools I need to start pursuing this thing. I got myself on NYcasting, I put my name in the hat for everything I thought might be right for me and I am waiting, praying, hoping for a response.

It was a bit of a comforting feeling to know that no matter where you go some problems are just the same as anywhere else. I love how unique this place is to anywhere else I’ve been, but sometimes I like to be reminded that I am still on the same planet I grew up on.

I am writing this on day 9 with a sax playing on the street below offering me solace, I have two interviews today, they go well, if they go badly at least it’s a start, play on sax man, play on.

KH-

New York Day 7 “Welcome To The Jungle”

Today was the day, the day my Midwest ties where officially cut and I was left out in the concrete jungle. I miss Jake and Sara like crazy they really did make this move much, much easier to deal with but I am glad I can finally start putting my nose to the grind stone.

They were gone for only an hour and already I started to feel more like a resident of NYC and not so much like a tourist. Of course I have to do something huge to commemorate this, the largest step I have ever taken. Down the street from Café Wha, I found a nice little tattoo place called “Addiction Tattoos”, at least that’s what I thought it was called. I met a really awesome guy named Austin who gave me a great deal and his brother in-law John who was really just a character.

I kind of just slipped in the fact I got a tattoo without actually saying I did just now, didn’t I? See what I did there? I’m a sneaky dude. I’ll upload a picture but the tattoo is NYC with the words “Fields of gold” arching it on the left side of my chest. Fields of gold was the song someone was playing as I was leaving central park and the title by its self really sums up how I feel about this city.

After some lunch and choking back cold medicine (thank you skiba) I went on an outing by myself for the first time in the big bad city. I took the subway to a street, I walked to another street, I took the subway back, it was a whole thing. I spent some time getting to know a couple of Jessica’s friends who I suppose are now my friends; Laura and Stephanie (hope its okay to use your names).

I am finding that there is a wonderful variant of people in this city mainly because no one is really from here. As Laura put it “This is the island of misfit toys…welcome.” Well I’ve never really felt like I fit anywhere which is why New York is perfect…it is kind of like being everywhere at once.

KH-

New York Day 6 “The Last Supper”

It feels good to just relax with your friends in a city you love without worrying about running here and there taking in the sites. Really, this day was about enjoying the company and dynamic of a group that was about to be dispersed.

The day was lazy and the night was chill, I experienced what Jessica considers the best New York pizza “John’s” on Bleecker Street. I am going to be careful with my word choice because I wouldn’t want to overstate the experience. John’s pizza was a baptism of flavor, I once was lost in the land of mediocre pizza pie and now I am found by John’s…the apostle of pizza.

We stuffed ourselves to the brim and enjoy reminiscing about our past lives, about high school mischief and about how amazing and emotional this experience has been. I took in the atmosphere again as we shared a cab to the Lower East Side. We went to a bar that seemed to be set in a retiree’s basement in Wisconsin with nothing but heavy rock on the juke box…so in short, it was awesome.

After a pregame drink it was off to Igy’s where I had two of the most delicious beers. First it was a “Rogue Dead Guy” no idea what kind of beer it was but it tasted like a pale ale. Next was an “Ace Cider” which tasted like peach mixed with green apple…forget miller Highlife THIS was the champagne of beer. The rest of my crew was feeling like a big bag of aids so me and the lovely Lindsey broke off to “Piano’s” where I bore witness to a 70 yr old Flava Flave look alike singing baba o’reily on Karaoke.

I met new friends, amazing people, I made chance encounters with strangers and I got home on my own. Another empowering day in the city and tomorrow starts my journey as a man not vacationing in the big apple: but a man who is making his way in the big bad city…wish me luck.

-KH

New York Day 5 "Singing In The Rain"

We had a plan, we had a good plan actually, wake up early, head to Coney Island, people watch, sun bathe, do the board walk, get drunk at beer island all of this seemed very doable in the planning stages. Than mother nature decided that Coney Island could wait. There is something about rain in a city like this that is just beautiful, but than again any rain I am a fan of. We walked a few blocks to meet Jessica's friend Laura and we decided the best thing to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon in New York is drink.

We went to this nice little dinner, had drinks, food and discussed the where's and whatfores of life, love and sex. That is where we spent the majority of the day and I loved it, it was nice to get a break from running all over the city to take in sites. After drinks and good company I kept the ladies company while they did some light afternoon shopping. It sounds boring but trust me...it wasn't, for many reasons it wasn't, not the least of which is watching three women who are drunk on a Sunday afternoon frolic in the city streets is kind of priceless.

We went back to the apartment and had some more drinks, than for some reason, a reason that will remain unexplained, I needed to go for a solitary stroll. It was the first time I really walked around the city all by my lonesome. I grabbed a 2 dollar slice of pizza (huge piece and really delicious), I bummed a smoke off a stranger, I just walked around taking it in for a while. It was nice, not profound, not a personal revelatory moment, it was just really nice.

I went back to the apartment to find my roomies doing what they normally do when they have a spare moment, dancing around to whatever is on the Ipod. We were all a bit restless so Jessica took us to "Cafe Wha?" Which apparently was home for a while to Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Bruce Springsteen, The Velvet Underground and more

On this night there was an amazing band who's genre I couldn't exactly place because they played a lot of covers. You walk through the front door and immediately there are stairs leading you to a basement, It's dark with Candles lighting the tables that are pressed against the right hand side of the stone walled room, the band is not elevated they are just sectioned off and you have to employe some creative maneuvering to get around the crowd. You are however seated by a waitress, which is a quality I really liked. After some cold beer and some hot vegetarian nachos it was time to dance.

I realized something about myself, it's not that I am not a good dancer, or that I don 't like to dance, it's that every bar and club I ever went to played shit music. I couldn't stop myself in this place, the atmosphere, the energy, the heat, the lights, the history it all just caught up with me and I spent the next three hours strait, dancing till it was time to leave.

On the way home we did try and sneak into Washington square park just for a walk but were chased out by a rent a cop with an attitude. After a day like that what could I do but pass out?

I am writing this on Day 6, on Day 7 my Midwest posy will be going back to the good ol' state line and it will be crunch time...which I feel will be an entirely different experience.

New York Day 4 "Road Weary"

By the end of the day my feet hurt, my legs were on fire, my knee was about to pop and I felt disgusting, and I STILL wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. First thing on the agenda was Ground Zero which didn’t have the effect on me I thought it would have. Really it just made me angry. I was angry at religious zealotry, angry at spiritual bigotry, and angry at people profiting off of a national tragedy.

After about 20 minutes of that it was time for some happy time. We walked through the financial district to get to the south street sea port. The financial district was surreal; it was impressive to think I was standing in front of the one place every single US dollar flows through. At the same time I felt cold surrounded by stone cathedrals of consumerism with stone streets under my feet.

Maybe I had some moral opposition to Wall Street, maybe I was just having an off day but that street gave me bad vibes. With the exception of one beautiful church there I wasn’t interested in seeing much in that area.

We finally made it to the port and made the decision to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. We went half way and stood surrounded by the lights of the city. I looked out on the city and once again felt the swell of pride, the thought rushing through me “this is your home now.”

I ended the day dog tired, in pain and feeling, frankly pretty gross, and to be honest I kinda loved every second of it.

KH-

New York Day 3 "Fields Of Gold"

I had no idea what was in store for me when I woke this morning, it was just more of the same awesome light hearted fun, jamin’ out to limp biscuit semi ironically as we got ready for central park. It is strange how you have no sense of how important a given day will be but when you look back on that day you don’t know how you could have missed it.

I knew Central Park was beautiful but nothing could have prepared me for the flood of emotions it forced out of me. One minute I was just walking through a nice park, saw strawberry fields, it was nice but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t have seen in Rockford. But then it happened, I turned a corner onto steps and was kicked in the chest by an unnamable something. I looked out on a gorgeous, enormous fountain, behind it a river with tourists rowing row boats in and out of view. There was a faint music you could hear in the distance, operatic spiritual hymns sung as if by an aching soul aching perhaps at the same utter beauty that had just invaded my heart.

I stood for a few minutes unable to move or speak, eventually I had to sit, I knew I couldn’t walk any further. My breath was taken away and I felt tears welling in my eyes and as I took this intensely spiritual moment in one word pumped through my entire body, pulsing inside like a sleeping secret that had been forced awake by a loud uncontrollable knowing, like a bellow it sang to me, “Home”.

I let the tears come and I let the moment wash over me and in this spot, in this place, in this moment I knew that I need to be here, the city is a thing, it is an organism all its own and it has apparently welcomed me into its beating chest.

When I was able to walk again I found the source of the music, a family of singers standing under the bridge for amazing acoustics belting out the music of their faith, the songs that move them the ones they had written, and again I was filled with a sense of fulfillment, of “home-ness”.

I needed some levity after that humbling experience so I had myself the most amazing shake ever at the restaurant featured in Seinfeld. After a shake so good I could marry it I was off to Time Square. Time Square is a visual spectacle at night and everyone should go there at least once. It is a sea of people and they are all moving, constantly buzzing the energy is so strong it’s almost over whelming. I enjoyed the excitement but the novelty wore off pretty quickly. It is an amazing experience but New York is so much more than Time Square.

After a quick subway ride, colored by a crazy drunk guy who burst into our car saying “Ladies and gentlemen…we are in a national crisis…help us out” arms raised speaking as if he was doing a fund raiser, it was off to meet some new friends.

Every were we went last night was great but one place stuck out, the “Lit Lounge” is exactly the kind of bar I think of when I think New York. It’s dark, its dirty, its rad and I loved it. The music was awesome, not some bs house music but rock and rock remixes, the basement walls made of stone and everyone was packed but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was just the kind of place that screamed “Kyle goes here”. It was a long day and it was one I won’t soon forget. Central Park I feel was my Mecca; it was the reaffirmation that I am exactly where I need to be. Before Central Park I still wasn’t certain I was ready to take this on…but I’m ready now, oh man am I ready.

New York Day 2 "Arms Of A Stranger"

Day 2 of my New York adventure started with, as it should be, a hangover. After a nice relaxing morning working at feeling like a real person again it was time to go to fill my day once again with a myriad of firsts. First NYC subway ride…crowded…and that is the only negative thing I have to say about it. It didn’t change my life or anything but the stereotype of subways being miserable, thus far, seems misguided. First NY Bar/restaurant, “Matchless” in Brooklyn, pretty much one of the coolest places I’ve ever eaten at. Every menu I look at has a vegetarian option and the veggie burger at this place…awesome.

The Next two bars I went to I introduced myself and made friends with complete strangers. Another stereotype tested and failed. What I’ve discovered is that NYC is filled with nice personable people and the ones who aren’t are easy enough to ignore. They do however have a very low tolerance for stupidity which may be where that stereotype came from seeing as this country is made up primarily of people who can’t understand how to work a gas station card swipe.

In the midst of these firsts and new discoveries I was involved in some personal drama back in the Midwest and realized why I think I am going to stay here for as long as I can. In Rockford, when something went wrong I had to sit and think about it for hours on end till I drove myself crazy. In this city I can operate like a normal person. The city drew me in like the arms of a new lover, and reminded me that there is more to life than what is right in front of me.

Karaoke, really great beer (Magic Hat Number 9 by the way is a must if you get the chance), watching a group of lesbians rock out to Cher, amazing food, amazing people, firsts, adventures and personal revelations…New York you do not disappoint.

KH-

New York Day 1 "Organic Industry"

My first day in New York City was spent almost entirely in silence. As I drove to the Apt in Chelsea I'm staying at, or as I walked to the West side Highway taking everything in, it felt as if my mind couldn't hold on to one particular thought,

I marveled at the impromptu culture that snuck up on me. At one point I walked past a street vendor who was kneeling on a prayer mat practicing his faith on the sidewalk . I stood out over the Hudson saw the statue of liberty and the mecca of man made inginuity that surrounded it and felt the city, the atmosphere, the energy rush into me.

How I can stand in the middle of all that industry and have the first word that pops in my head be 'organic' I do not know but that was exactly what I thought. Millions of people came here, saw the land and thought 'home'. They built there lives on the shores of a country that promised endless possibility. Our country beckoned new comers screaming 'If you have the will to fight for your dreams we have the means to offer them to you' and they came in droves. Settlers carved there piece of the pie out of dirt, sand and stone and the result is the buzzing alive city I sit in today.

There is a very distinct energy in the air, the kind of energy you can't describe, it has to be experienced to be understood. I felt alive, I felt at peace and I felt a flutter all at the same time. I took a breath and realized that I am now part of the legacy of dream catchers this city is populated with. People who left there homes with nothing but a few belongings and hope and fought to achieve there wildest dreams and now I am apart of that.

I am now A New York Dream Catcher and I am proud to be."