2 Years Gone.

I’m a week late on this update but it’s been a busy month. Last friday marked my 2 year New York anniversary. Year 2 taught me more then I had bargained for. It was a lot of letting go and rebuilding. It was a lot of repositioning and renegotiating what I want and who I am.

I started year two back at the drawing board; couch surfing and praying for a break. I’m ending year two in the same apartment I started in but miles from where I was when I first moved here. Year two has been almost entirely about removing harmful elements from my life and healing from the after math. In fact most of my friends have been doing the same thing.

I got away from a terrible business partner and now I am building a career in security. It isn’t much but it is a start. It’s also not a terrible cash well to sustain my true endeavors of writing and acting.

After all the tears and hopelessness, after all the struggle and the fear, after all the time spent on figuring out how to make a life work in New York, I finally find myself in a place above survival and just on the edge of success.

I’m starting year 3 making a movie that I had a big hand in writing and hopefully from there I continue on, not just building my acting resume (finally) but also building my “rent paying” career in security. I am starting year three in a bigger room with a world of creature comforts I didn’t have a year ago. That may seem shallow but when you go without you realize how wonderful these things can be.

I’m a stronger me, I’m a smarter me, I’m certainly a healthier me (I look like half the man I was when I left), and I’m a happier me. Much of that is due to my stubborn mistress New York and the dear friends I’ve made here. WIthout them I would have been lost in a sea of trouble with no life boat on the horizon. My friends back in IL were also a saving grace, keeping me level headed, keeping my feet on the ground, and reminding me who I am just in case the city got in my head.

Year 3 is the year of conquering. I am going to remember that I am not a creature of comfort. Chaos is not my enemy. I am going to figure out how to balance my practical every day life with my dreams. Most importantly though I am not going to forget how fleeting every amazing moment is and how necessary it is to stop and take stock of just how brilliant my life has a tendency to be.

I love you all

KH-

Dream Catching and Self Awareness.

Over the past few weeks I have realized a few things. I have forgotten a lot of the things that made me interesting in the past and more then a few things that made me happy. I have been rediscovering music, politics, and idealism.

What I forgot about myself is that I am an idealist with endless potential. I get things done and when shit hits the fan I hit the ground running. I guess New York has a way of making you feel like a drop in the bucket.

When I came here I fully intended on grabbing my dream with both hands. When I was a kid I intended to change the world. Now what do I intend on doing? A few months ago my aspirations including making rent, eating right, and losing some weight maybe. Now I feel the fire of inspiration coursing through my veins.

I am not satisfied with losing “some weight” I must become a physical specimen. I am not satisfied with making rent I must win the game as much as a game such as this can be won. I am not content with just “chasing my dream” I must inform the national conversation and redefine the plot of our generation or possibly the generation behind me...

I don’t give a goddamn if any of this is plausible I just know it is what I’m going to do. I have to ask myself, where this second wind has come from? If i’m honest with myself I would say it’s a combination of a long resting period after a 4 year stretch of turmoil and a network of friends who are equally and possibly more idealistic then I am.

I’ve given up on what New York has to tell me about success because as much stupid quixotic soap boxing you’ll find here you will find even more nay sayers telling you how you should do things and how all your choices till now have been wrong. No one can tell you how to do things your way.

SO all of that being said this is my new goal/playbook. I will become as physically fit as I can without sacrificing my artistic endeavors. I will sell my writing to the highest bider. I will not low ball myself. I will at most redefine the plot of my generation through writing and film making and at the least be heard and spark a conversation that engages hearts and minds. I will not live in a way that betrays my potential.

Hop on for the ride or stand back and watch but this train is leaving the station. I thought leaving for New York was the start of the story but I had absolutely no idea...

I love you all.

KH-

P.S. help those goals come true, donate to Dry Spell :)


http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/216634181/dry-spell-a-feature-length-romcom-starring-suzi-lo