New York Day 154 “Hibernation”

A lot has happened in the last month, sorry I haven’t been keeping you updated but I’ve been fairly anti social. Like I said, winter does this to me. The biggest piece of news is that we had a critics screening for the premiere a while back. It was a pretty fantastic night. We had some drinks, enjoyed some company and I got to enjoy the fruits of my labor for a night. With the exception of a 15 minute hickup with the DVD player (which felt like an hour) where I mainlined whiskey the entire time everything went smoothly. Next week is the world premiere.

I’m coming back to Rockford for the premiere but I probably wont see anyone unless you are actually at the premiere because I’m not coming back for long and I’ll be spending time with the lady.

Work has slowed to an almost complete halt. Winter is terrible for ticket sales it really is. I’m scraping by though. I feel that perhaps the novelty of me being here has worn off and that’s why I haven’t really updated because at this point all I’m doing seems day to day normal to me where as a few months ago every single day was a New York adventure. I still absolutely love it here but now I love it as a natural habitat as opposed to a country boy falling in love with the novelty of a big city.

I have a room now officially. I was sleeping on a couch but now I have my privacy back which has been a breath of fresh air.

I’m scared to go home to tell you the truth. I’ve been having a lot of dreams with mom in them and usually when I wake up I just convince myself that the feeling of her still being here is true. I choose to delude myself into believing she is still alive and when I go home the reality will be too visible to ignore.

Tomorrow marks 4 months since she passed...I knew I wouldn’t be okay this early but I think I thought I wouldn’t be this messed up. I’m having trouble figuring out who I am now after this, I’m having trouble adjusting and I’m having trouble not letting my inner turmoil not affect my life and my interactions with the people I love.

I guess thats all I got for now...see you all on the 11th!

I love you all
KH-