I know it’s been a while and part of that is because I have been focusing a lot on my Youtube channel. www.youtube.com/theshadowed1 if you are interested. I am still not doing great financially but I have pulled myself out of the hopelessness of the situation I was in when I last updated you.
What has happened this month indeed. Well, I was apart of a show called “Something Wicked” and as per usual in any performance I have been in I made some friends and met some really amazing people. It didn’t win any awards or anything, it didn’t get me paid but it was essentially an “off broadway” play in New York City and it was the first stage I have been on in New York that wasn’t an open mic so it was a mile marker if anything.
I am coming back to illinois in August to film another project Travis Legge is working on and I can not wait to see some old friends and be on a set under Travis’ direction and Tim Stotz’s keen eye again. I miss working with people I have known for years, I miss talking with people and working with people who understand my short hand and who’s short hand I understand. More importantly I miss being around a group of people that make me laugh harder than I ever have. Don’t get me wrong, me and Dan have a blast talking about whats going on around us but there is no beating standing in a room with people you have known for ages reliving inside jokes for hours on end.
I have been taking an outside objective look at myself lately because I have noticed changes in who I am. It’s kind of like the same sensation you get when you look in the mirror after a long time of gradually losing weight to suddenly realize “oh hold up...something is different.”
I have become quicker on the draw when it comes to banter but that is superficial and the result of realizing that need after months and months of working on the streets of Manhattan interacting with it’s residence.
I feel my critical mind has become keener out of necessity, I have been faced with more instances of needing to be able to smell BS and dissect logic because of how it can be used to obfuscate here than I have ever been faced with in Illinois. I am more aware of what is important of what needs to be done than I used to be. My definition of “important” has changed a lot and the way I interact with people has become much, what I consider to be, safer.
I used to be able to read people right off the bat and I can still do that but now instead of relating to them and believing every piece of information they hand me about themselves I am able to step back and see what is really being said, what agenda if any is really being perpetrated. Most people I meet are well meaning, nice, harmless and not looking for the advantage. Make no mistake however, the danger you find here is rarely at the hands of a mugger or at the end of a blade, the danger here lies behind the eyes of a hustler.
I say that now being able to speak as one among the hustler ranks (according to the guys in Harlem I have sold tickets too). But all of this is basically to say that I still love it here. I love who I am and who I am becoming. I am more confident now than I ever have been, I’m more sure of myself and my passions, I’m more aware of what is best for me and I am less willing to compromise for my ultimate benefit.
You ride the subway, you go to work, you walk home you repeat and somewhere in there this city shows you not only who you really are but what you are capable of. It shows you what it will take to bring home the gold and it dares you to take it. The city stands like a centurion in front of your objective and beckons you to challenge it...and when you do you earn it’s respect. Once you realize that the beast you are fighting isn’t really the city but yourself, that it is just wearing a New York colored shield than you can embrace what this place has to offer.
But maybe I’m getting a bit over dramatic.
I love you all
KH-
