Things need to change.
I’ve hit a financial roadblock. I am having trouble selling for some reason and that is a problem. I have become totally isolated. The only person I see these days is my boss and it’s been hard to catch him in a decent mood which makes my days even more difficult. He isn’t lording over me or anything I am just very responsive to vibes, energies, I’m extremely empathetic basically and if I am hanging around him or anyone and he or anyone else is annoyed I am annoyed. My cash flow issue means I don’t have enough to get an unlimited metro card so I can zip around and see whoever I want. Instead I’ve had to spend 4.50 a day on one trip metro fare and use the rest of the money on silly things like food...
I’m starting to feel the isolation and it is starting to get to me. Today was a decent sales day though so I am hoping I have stumbled back into my niche. If I could do what my boss does and make 100 to 150 a day I would be fine...and that is my goal this month to start selling as much as he does. Because I need to stop this nonsense. I need to earn enough to get some stability again and I NEED to find enough money to go visit my girlfriend. She is graduating soon and I REALLY want to go to her graduation.
This isn’t a plea by the way, this is me updating you all...just so we are clear.
Aside from needing to sell more I am going to start looking for part time hourly work. My boss looks down on that because he figures if you can do this job you don’t need it but I”m done living on the wire I need some stability damn it. Sure, a lot of the time you can make the money selling but nothing is guaranteed in this job and I need some guarantees.
I’ve applied for a few hourly jobs that are writing gigs which are my pie in the sky hopes. Truthfully I will probably start filling out some restaurant apps. At least I’ll be on stage again soon. Something Wicked opens this month and while I only have a few lines and a pretty epic fight scene I’m just happy to be in some kind of production.
Keeping in the spirit of looking on the bright side, my recent financial straits has cut my smoking habit down to 3 or 4 cigarettes a day. I’ve been buying loosies (loose cigarettes) at the corner deli for .50 cents a piece and letting that get me through the day...and I kind of like it. Even when I do pull myself out of this (and I will) I think I might stick to that.
The real reason I’m pissed about having a dry bank is I haven’t been able to go to yoga which really burns me up. I was really starting to like it and seeing results, but it’s on the top of my lists to start doing again when I’m once again liquid.
That’s New York kids, the highs are intense, the lows are bleaker than bleak and you carry on. If you can make it here you can make it anywhere...they weren’t talking about show biz, they’re talking rent check my friends.
Things really do need to change but if there is anything about life here I love it's this; when I said things need to change in Belvidere I kept pining and working and nothing would be different, here if I try even a little bit my entire world can be turned upside down in a day or two.
I love you all
KH-
